Posted by Petra · Leave a Comment
OMG I remember seeing this movie when I was 8 and it scared the hell out of me! I had to switch to plastic lures for MONTHS after watching this movie! I wonder if I can get this via Netflix??
Posted by Petra · 3 Comments
Recently I posted a review about the Italian horror film Suspiria. That review exposed (in a non gratuitous Boob shot kind of way) how my fetish for horror came to be. Some of you asked appallingly who would subject me to such things at such a young age, while others began to better understand why I may seem a little "off kilter."
For starters, my mother is to blame (thanksMom!) being as my father was not one to leave the house except for work and other "necessary" outings and my brothers were usually out doing gawd knows what (I know but I ain't tellin'!) That left lil' ol' me me as her bodyguard movie buddy. Face it - no one wants to watch a scary movie alone, but we all love being scared (at least in a non life threatening sort of way.) My mom did and I was no different. I loved going to see each and every one of these movies.
(We'll just skip over the part where these movies warped me so bad that I had to sleep completely under the covers - otherwise demons and goblins could see me in my bed.
Or the part where my closet door had to be closed all the way because those glowing green eyes from that thing in Suspiria were lurking in there......
Or that the black kaleidoscope of colors I would see when I closed my eyes would form goblins of their own, forcing me to open my eyes and stay awake way later than I should have...
Of course this did result in my creativity to craft adventures in my mind where I would always be in singing contests - or at concerts - and there just happened to be some rock and roll star there that I had the hots for. They would become awe struck with me and rocket me towards stardom.....
That was the only way I could keep my eyes closed for any length of time. Well that and the headphones blasting rock music into my ears so I could drown out the sounds of any werebeasts sneaking in my room to get me.....
But that's a whole 'nother story and a side of me that's probably better if I didn't talk about anymore. So let's move on, shall we?)
So I thought I would do a little synopsis of the movies that in addition to Suspiria, started it all for me. Here they are in no particular order:
Rattlers is a movie guaranteed to appease just about any B-movie lover. Needless to say it scared the bejesus out of me and made it so that to this day, I cannot take a bath with my back to the faucet - I have to be facing it. You know, so I can run when I see snakes pop out of it (if you saw the movie, you would understand.)
There is a good review of the movie here.
In a nutshell, this is a movie about a small town that becomes overrun with chemically altered rattlesnakes that go around killing animals, kids, old people - they really are rather indiscriminate which I find refreshing. Definitely worth the watch for fans of reptile movies.
Wow. Was this one creepy.
First you have a blacked out car that rides around killing people and when it finally becomes cornered, we find that no one is behind the wheel!
Oh, please tell me it's not the devil himself driving the car!
Anyway, James Brolin stars in gem, but don't let his name fool ya about this one. This is still a B-movie all the way, and now that I think about it, probably has something to do with the fact that I refuse to bike ride on the road......
You can read more about it here.
Ok, so this one was just gross.
Some werebeast thing rapes a chick - I think she was on her honeymoon, but I can't remember - and she ends up pregnant and keeps the kid. Hello! You don't need a brain to figure out that's not smart! But we need the premise and this one is a doozie.
So the kid - the werebeast offspring - is born normal but when he nears 18, he starts to have a "transformation" of sorts and a bunch of stuff happens, people die, and then he sheds his skin during locust season just like a locust does. It was really gross and weird and caused me many nightmares.
You can read a more in depth review of it here.
This B-movie is loaded with above the "B" grade actors: John Houston, Henry Fonda, Shelly Winters. Some of you might even recognize Bo Hopkins.
Much like Jaws and Orca, in Tentacles people seem to just disappear while in the water. What sucks worse is that when their bodies are discovered, we find they are gnawed down to skeletal remains, with the marrow sucked right out of their bones. How could this be? What could do such a thing?
One doctor in particular begins to suspect that their local water world was poisoned when an underground tunnel was being created, resulting in an octopus morphing into gargantuan proportions. Who can save them from all those tentacles?
I can't remember if Tentacles (Tentacoli to be exact) was good or not ( after all, I was only 9 in 1977 when I saw it on the big screen) but I sure as hell was afraid to go into water that I couldn't see through for years after this one!
You can read more about this classic here.
Yes, Bug. And the title should tell you why this one stays with me. I mean, how could anyone resist a tagline for a move about mutant cockroaches like the one for this movie:
"They Look Like Rocks & Possess High Intelligence. They Have No Eyes & Eat Ashes. They Travel In Your Car Exhaust. They Make Fire. They Kill."
Yikes! I find it rather ironic however, that I ended up being a bug-lady at one point in my life. Yes, a bug-lady, as in exterminator.
Hey! I had to get certified for it ya' know. It's not like just anyone can walk in off the streets and start killing bugs with hazardous chemicals. Not legally anyway. Those chemicals they let me play with were badass!
Anyway, I am sure it is every bit as good as I remember. (It's because of this movie I don't have a phone, I can remember that!) AND It actually won an award for Best Special Effects. Granted it may not be from anyone you ever heard of, but it still won.
You can read more about Bug here.
Ironically my dad, the one who hated these kinds of movies, took me to see this because I really wanted to go. Though this movie was released initially in 1973, It came to Augusta in '81 at one of those $2 theaters that don't exist anymore (at least not around here) that loved to screen old movies because they could get them cheaply. My parents were divorced, and taking me to this movie was one of the two times my dad surprised me by doing something cool for me (thanksPop!)
I remember being repulsed by the movie. Not sure if it was the movie though, or the fact that I was there with my dad. I think I need to watch it again as I barely remember it and it is a movie right up my alley (well... except for the incest. That was just gross.)
After all, this movie has blood, gore, nudity, Dr. Frankenstein, and zombies all wrapped up and delivered in a 3-D perspective. Only word I can think of is: SCORE!
Anyway, there is a pretty favorable review of it here. The reviewer kinda rambles on about 3-D and the like which I skipped over 'cuz face it, I am about the gore, camp, and B-factor - not the cinematic effects. But it's a good review and worth the read.
There were oodles more: To The Devil a Daughter; The Last House on the Left; and of course the required Carrie; The Omen; The Shining..... they all affected me in their own way, and made me a little weirder; but they also give me an escape from real life, if just for a short while, and a whole lot of laughs and scares (and there have been so many more since!)
What more could a little girl ask for??
Posted by Petra · 6 Comments
I do so love movies with giant bugs. And I love the SciFi channel, much to my husbands dismay (apparently the channel does nothing to stimulate brain activity. Go figure.)
I especially love when the Sci-Fi channel comes out with an "original" movie that portrays giant bugs in such an unrealistic manner that it transcends comedy and borders hysteria. Like it did with their original movie Ice Spiders.
Throw in a couple used up actors singers losers former stars named Patrick Muldoon (who looks amazing similar to a brunette Kato Kailin) and a really badly aging Vanessa Williams, and you are talking about 90 minutes of totally inane B-movie madness joy! Or perhaps some really bad flash backs of Melrose Place since both actors played it at one point in time or another.... oh and hey! So did the guy who plays the part of Captain Baker!!
Actors (and I use that term loosely) aside, we have for starters, a "covert" military laboratory that is genetically engineering giant spiders for their incredible spider silk (and if you don't believe that spider silk is incredible, just ask Toby McGuire in Spiderman. He will make you a believer.)
Secondly, standard for this type of movie, we have a weird and really bad acting mad scientist who gives the spiders an extra little somethin'somethin' to progress their growing rate, which results in their escape from the lab and proceedance (is that even a word?) to ravage a nearby ski resort. These spiders are HUGE, neon colored, smart (or at least smarter than the people involved,) and ready to chow down on some human flesh! They also oddly resemble giant ticks, with tick like flat bodies but longer legs as that of spiders. Man I gotta tell ya', I was "askerred" of them! (Hah!)
But wait! All is not lost because thirdly, this ski resort is filled with ample spider fodder Olympic hopefuls training for their coveted big medals. Luckily (and this is forth on our list) Dash Dashiell (Patrick Muldoon) works there. Dash is a former Olympian who had demolished his legs in a horrific skiing accident so now no team in their right mind wants him in their corner (lucky for the ski resort, I assure you.) We also learn that he was a Marine at some point in his life which definitely helps with the survival skills needed to ward off angry ravenous giant spiders!
Ice Spiders embodies all the cheese of just about every bad B-movie you've ever seen involving giant bugs. The awful dialogue, the incompetent acting, the ridiculous portrayal of the giant spiders - all classic B and almost 2 hours of gawd-awful fun! (well, except for the gratuitous boob shot. You don't typically find those in Sci-Fi originals and this one was no different.)
Ice Spiders may not be anything you want to admit having watched, but I can assure you watching it at least once is a must for anyone who enjoys truly awful B movie wannabes. it's fast paced with frequent blood spillage, surprising amounts of gore, and very colorful silly looking bad-ass spiders.
Of one thing I can assure you - and that is that Ice Spiders will keep you entertained. Comedically at least, if nothing else.....
Posted by Petra · 5 Comments
Catchy title, isn't it? You have to admit, it's somewhat intriguing (dare I say enticing?) even if the title implies that it will be filled with nothing more than white trash stereotypes. One thing I knew for sure though, and that was that this movie was right up my alley!
For starters, one of the headliners was Trace Adkins, and when a country singer stars in a movie Read more
Posted by Petra · 8 Comments
I have never been a huge fan of foreign films, although when it comes to horror I am a little more open minded, as with Shaun of the Dead, which I liked almost immediately, and Dead Alive, which took a little more time to like (I had to get past the accents.) Not that I am opposed to accents, but rather the sense of humor found in foreign films is not quite on the same plane as mine, meaning either I am too dense to "get it" or it’s too Monty Python (which I can’t stand.)
Probably it's both.
So it turns out that Boy Eats Girl is a little Irish nugget of gold, and my only disappointment is that I did not discover it sooner. This movie wonderfully adds a comedic twist to what is a horrific situation, and I find that combination to be very entertaining. Plus the movies primary focus is zombies and who could ask for more than that??
Boy Eats Girl starts out with heartbroken Nathan (admirably played by some guy named David Leon whom I have never heard of) who, due to an unfortunate chain of events that even Shakespeare would have been pleased with, manages to get himself hung by the short end of a noose he just happened to have hanging in his room. Talk about bad luck (I wonder if we're related?)
As it turns out, Nathan’s mom (who played a big role in his getting hanged, by the way) just happens to work at a church whose library just happens to have a book on Haitian voodoo that she just happened to swipe sometime earlier (the sinner!) that just happens to explain how to bring a person back from the dead! Needless to say she wastes no time in putting this book to good use.
Well to everyone’s mom’s delight, Nathan wakes up the next day appearing normal and ready to face yet another day with his broken heart (because he thinks the girl of his dreams is doing some other guy) and wounded pride for not being a good rugby player. Now if only he could make the sandpaper feeling in his throat go away……
Later that night at a classmates party, Nathan temporarily loses control of his senses and hauls off and bites the school bully, rugby king Samson. Well, maybe bite isn’t the proper verbiage to use. What Nathan actually did was violently rip out a hunk of Samson’s cheek with his teeth! Yikes!
Well in shock and denial of what he had done, Nathan runs off home with his tail between his legs while Samson, now turned zombie, decides to go on an eating spree of all those readily available teenagers, who in turn, waste no time in sharing the infection love with others. In a matter of hours they achieve sheer pandemonium!
Yeh, it was pretty awesome to watch....
Although Boy Eats Girl is not laden with guts and dismemberment, there is a substantial amount of bloodshed that I found sufficient to satisfy my tastes once the movie got under way. Unfortunately however, the writers completely ignored the rules of zombie-ism, and that my friends, is not cool.
For starters, one does not have to be killed in order to become a zombie, one simply has to be infected - either by a bite or fluid exchange; you get the idea. I don't know about you guys, but I want my zombies un-dead... not un-alive!
Secondly these zombies are fast! WTF??? When did fast zombies become a criteria for Hollywood? Movie after movie keeps portraying them as fast... I guess I might as well get used to the idea, but no one said I had to like it!
Thirdly is that the zombies are easily killed. You don't have to deliver a head shot or severing of the spine. Of course head shots and severings help, but you can also sucker punch them, or run them over and be just as effective. It kinda takes the scare factor out of it when you think about it.
But you wanna know something? I could deal with all these zombie screwups. After all, this movie was fun and campy and cheesy, and even if the zombies were a bit unorthodox, they were still zombies. And that was a good thing.
But what wasn't a good thing is the part I haven't told you yet; the part where the zombie state could be reversed. Appalling, I know but it gets even worse. The way to reverse zombie-ism is with a bite from a specific snake, and wouldn't you know it's a snake that Nathan's mom just happened to have penned up at the church! Talk about crazy luck!
While the two main characters did not produce the memorable star crossed lovers that great literature is made of, the supporting cast at least delivers great bubblegum laughs that are definitely note worthy. First you have Nathan's two bumbling loser friends who are too dense to realize they are losers (much like the knuckleheads in Idle Hands) and the school tramp hottie who does whatever it takes to get the man she wants. She's a bitch - and she makes sure you know it.
So... aside from a few weak spots, Boy Eats Girl was really entertaining. You have to take into account that in addition to my fetish for zombies, I love teenage fluff movies and this one seems to be a happy blending of the two. If that is your cup of goo tea, then you will enjoy this one as well. If not.... well.... watch it anyway, cuz zombies rule!
Posted by Petra · 2 Comments
ok. So time for one more confession.
I'm a big Brendan Frasier fan.
Now I know what you are thinking.... he is no Brad Pitt, and you might have a point there but I have a thing for guys with a sense of humor, who know how to really laugh, and Brendan Fraser does both.
Brad Pitt cheats on his wife. Enough said.
So needless to say I was very excited this past weekend when my husband agreed to go see Journey. Unfortunately it was not the 3D version as apparently our local theaters are too cheap to spring for those highfalutin' special paper glasses or something, so we were forced to watch the "normal" version.......
If you expect this movie to be a remake of the 1959 version that starred Pat Boone, you will probably be disappointed. It is not. Although the 2008 version has the same basic vein as the 1959 movie (well.....at least the same title) the entire story has been modified to be more fun, slightly campy, and 100% bubblegum entertainment for the entire family.
Brendan Fraser plays Trevor Anderson, a science professor who discovers that his long lost brother may have disappeared due to his finding the passageway to the earth's very core. Unfortunately he does this on the first weekend that his nephew Sean comes to stay with him for a couple weeks.
Using Jules Verne's book "A Journey to the Center of the Earth" as a guide, the two set off to Iceland in hopes of finding some evidence to Trevor's theory. Instead what they find is a very expensive blond mountain guide named Hannah (that Sean called dibs on, BTW) and proof that Jules Verne's book was not science fiction, but non-fiction.....
Trapped at the earths core, with flesh eating flying fish, giant carnivorous dinosaurs and the center's quickly rising heat, the three struggle to find a way back to their world on the "surface" before their time runs out and they are either eaten or cooked alive. The discovery of Sam's abode where he spent the last days of his life, and notes on how to return home, inspire the trio and soon they are racing against time and fate to make it back home.
There isn't great character development or a deep story line, but the actors deliver fun and the film entertains. It's quick paced, provides enough action and witty remarks to remain interesting throughout, and ends in a manner fitting for the movie.
There seems to be a trend with Brendan Frasier and women with accents (guess I need to brush up on my German heritage to have any chance) but that aside, I did thoroughly enjoy this movie. To enjoy the movie, however, one must be sure to know, going in, that it is for entertainment value only, and not a literary masterpiece displayed impressively on film. Think Jurassic Park or Back to the Future - and you will have the same campy feel with Journey to the Center of the Earth. It won't leave you more knowledgeable of history or politics or Shakespeare...... but is that all there is to a good movie? I mean really??
Movies exist to entertain us, and this one did it for me. How 'bout you? A flop, or not?
Posted by Petra · 5 Comments
Typically I am not a fan of movies that provide gore just for the sake of shock effect. Usually in these cases the gore is lamely executed or the story line is exceptionally weak. It's also in these cases that I find myself annoyed or disgusted, all too aware that the movie is trying to make up for an extremely poor plot by providing mass quantities of blood and innards and gore (think Cabin Fever.)
I was a little worried when I first popped Dead Alive (aka Braindead) into the DVD player. I just kept telling myself "Zombies! There are zombies in this movie so it has to be good." Now I know you are thinking.... "Huh? Just 'cuz a movie has zombies does not mean its going to be good." Well, you could be right, but all zombie movies deserve an open minded chance, and this one was no different.
It would seem that a bite from a Sumatran rat-monkey can cause people to die slow, horrible deaths. As well, these same bites can cause these same now dead people to re-animate and go on a killing spree.
That's what happened to Lionel's mom at the zoo. A damned rat-monkey bit her while she was spying on her adult son having what was most likely his first date ever with a girl named Paquita (the dumb bitty had to go and flaunt her goodies to Lionel and try to take her son from her. Not a chance in hell she is going to let that happen!)
Soon Lionel's mom is literally falling apart (at one point, her ear fell off into her porridge and she ends up eating it) and no one can determine what is wrong. No one that is, until she dies and tries to eat the nurse that pronounced her dead. Then Lionel determines what is wrong with her, but can't seem to stop her from turning a handful of other people into flesh eating zombies, even though he was keeping her locked in the basement for the most part....
Lionel breaks up with Paquita in an attempts to save her from certain fate, and to keep his zombie mom and her clan a secret. After all, Lionel is allowing the zombies to stay at his place, where he picks up after them, makes them supper, and finds ways for them to be entertained without going out for fresh "meat." But one night when Lionel isn't looking, two of the zombies have a little fling and the result is the fastest conception and birth known to man! Or perhaps I should say "known to zombie."
A BABY! That's right. A little zombie baby that "popped" right out after about 5 minutes of baking. And talk about ugly! WHOA! Reason #1 for birth control!
A particularly funny scene is when Lionel tries to maintain some sort of normalcy and decides to take the "baby" to the park in a stroller. Who cares that he has to use barbed wire to keep the baby in the stroller (so it won't eat anyone of course) Lionel still tries to look normal and fit in. Unfortunately things get out of hand, baby escapes, and the cheesy, corny, gawd awful meyhem that ensues is absolutely hysterical! This scene alone is one reason of many to watch this movie for sure!
So Lionel's uncle finds out about the dead bodies in the basement (not realizing they are really zombies because Lionel has taken to giving them tranquilizers to knock 'em out on a regular basis) and threatens to go to the cops unless Lionel forks over some of his poor dead mother's sizable estate. Lionel tells him he can have it all, and plans on skipping town. Unfortunately his uncle shows up before Lionel can leave, bringing in tow a large amount of his loser buddies for a party, and has Lionel serve as their personal wait-wench.
What happens next is sheer genius, ranking alongside The Evil Dead, which as you all know, I absolutely loved!
First Paquita happens by, sees the "party" and gets very upset for Lionel apparently not being heartbroken over their "break."
Then an enlightened Paquita and Lionel thought they had found a way to kill, for good this time, the zombies in the basement, but what they ended up doing was giving them animal stimulants resulting in the party goers upstairs being fresh meat treats for the energetic zombies!
Before long Lionel is ass over bandbox in zombies and finds the only weapon he can effectively use: a lawnmower. Sooner than you can say "Dude!" it's every zombie for themselves as body parts meet blades in a blood curdling climax!
But wait! It doesn't end there! Becuase in the midst of zombie carnage, Lionel's mother never showed, and he can't leave her "undead" else she might try to recreate what he worked so diligently to destroy. Now if only he could find out where she was lurking.....
So mom has apparently morphed into some gigantic ugly mutant thing with saggy boobs, and thunder thighs. I don't think I'd admit to being related myself, but poor Lionel always was a momma's boy. That is until he saw her as a pus oozing zombie monster. Not to mention he found out some rather unfavorable information about her in a locked chest, but you'll have to watch the movie to find out what that was.
So anyway, after seeing his mom in a new "light" Lionel puts and ends to his past, and opens the door to his zombie free future with Paquita.....
.... oh hell..... was that the little zombie-baby-bastard running off into the woods....???? Better tune in to find out!
I must confess, I was leary going into this. Cult followings do not always mean I am going to like a movie, especially when it starts out with British accents (think "Train Spotting" - can you say gagggg??)
But this one delivers. With a decapitated zombie having a lawn gnome stuffed down his neck (gotta have a head, ya know) to Lionel's mom being overstuffed with embalming fluid so she literally explodes in a gory goo (but still survives as an undead, of course); to zombie sex and love in the afternoon. This movie has it all. From a journey of personal growth and self discovery (Lionel's battle with the umbilical cord) to selfless love when least expected (Paquita's love for Lionel. I mean really - I don't know if I could risk my life fighting zombies for my husband!); to comedy and suspense, and gore, and blood. Did I mention the blood?? There is even the standard boob shot! Granted it's old and misshapen and slightly ridiculous, but it's in there!
Should you see this movie? Oh yeh. I would actually suggest you purchase it as it is most definitely a keeper for anyone who considers themselves a horror fan. Go on! What are you waiting for??!!!
Posted by Petra · 9 Comments
Just a few movie & activity suggestions for the festivities......
