Boy Eats Girl

I have never been a huge fan of foreign films, although when it comes to horror I am a little more open minded, as with Shaun of the Dead, which I liked almost immediately, and Dead Alive, which took a little more time to like (I had to get past the accents.) Not that I am opposed to accents, but rather the sense of humor found in foreign films is not quite on the same plane as mine, meaning either I am too dense to "get it" or it’s too Monty Python (which I can’t stand.)

Probably it's both.

So it turns out that Boy Eats Girl is a little Irish nugget of gold, and my only disappointment is that I did not discover it sooner. This movie wonderfully adds a comedic twist to what is a horrific situation, and I find that combination to be very entertaining. Plus the movies primary focus is zombies and who could ask for more than that??

Boy Eats Girl starts out with heartbroken Nathan (admirably played by some guy named David Leon whom I have never heard of) who, due to an unfortunate chain of events that even Shakespeare would have been pleased with, manages to get himself hung by the short end of a noose he just happened to have hanging in his room. Talk about bad luck (I wonder if we're related?)

As it turns out, Nathan’s mom (who played a big role in his getting hanged, by the way) just happens to work at a church whose library just happens to have a book on Haitian voodoo that she just happened to swipe sometime earlier (the sinner!) that just happens to explain how to bring a person back from the dead! Needless to say she wastes no time in putting this book to good use.

Well to everyone’s mom’s delight, Nathan wakes up the next day appearing normal and ready to face yet another day with his broken heart (because he thinks the girl of his dreams is doing some other guy) and wounded pride for not being a good rugby player. Now if only he could make the sandpaper feeling in his throat go away……

Later that night at a classmates party, Nathan temporarily loses control of his senses and hauls off and bites the school bully, rugby king Samson. Well, maybe bite isn’t the proper verbiage to use. What Nathan actually did was violently rip out a hunk of Samson’s cheek with his teeth! Yikes!

Well in shock and denial of what he had done, Nathan runs off home with his tail between his legs while Samson, now turned zombie, decides to go on an eating spree of all those readily available teenagers, who in turn, waste no time in sharing the infection love with others. In a matter of hours they achieve sheer pandemonium!

Yeh, it was pretty awesome to watch....

Although Boy Eats Girl is not laden with guts and dismemberment, there is a substantial amount of bloodshed that I found sufficient to satisfy my tastes once the movie got under way. Unfortunately however, the writers completely ignored the rules of zombie-ism, and that my friends, is not cool.

For starters, one does not have to be killed in order to become a zombie, one simply has to be infected - either by a bite or fluid exchange; you get the idea. I don't know about you guys, but I want my zombies un-dead... not un-alive!

Secondly these zombies are fast! WTF??? When did fast zombies become a criteria for Hollywood? Movie after movie keeps portraying them as fast... I guess I might as well get used to the idea, but no one said I had to like it!

Thirdly is that the zombies are easily killed. You don't have to deliver a head shot or severing of the spine. Of course head shots and severings help, but you can also sucker punch them, or run them over and be just as effective. It kinda takes the scare factor out of it when you think about it.

But you wanna know something? I could deal with all these zombie screwups. After all, this movie was fun and campy and cheesy, and even if the zombies were a bit unorthodox, they were still zombies. And that was a good thing.

But what wasn't a good thing is the part I haven't told you yet; the part where the zombie state could be reversed. Appalling, I know but it gets even worse. The way to reverse zombie-ism is with a bite from a specific snake, and wouldn't you know it's a snake that Nathan's mom just happened to have penned up at the church! Talk about crazy luck!

While the two main characters did not produce the memorable star crossed lovers that great literature is made of, the supporting cast at least delivers great bubblegum laughs that are definitely note worthy. First you have Nathan's two bumbling loser friends who are too dense to realize they are losers (much like the knuckleheads in Idle Hands) and the school tramp hottie who does whatever it takes to get the man she wants. She's a bitch - and she makes sure you know it.

So... aside from a few weak spots, Boy Eats Girl was really entertaining. You have to take into account that in addition to my fetish for zombies, I love teenage fluff movies and this one seems to be a happy blending of the two. If that is your cup of goo tea, then you will enjoy this one as well. If not.... well.... watch it anyway, cuz zombies rule!

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Bentley Little: The Association

I noticed something today.

In all my posts, not ever have I reviewed a book. And I'm not talking about Zen & the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance although there are those that would swear its the best book ever published (me not being one of them.)

I'm talking about horror novels. Novels by great authors such as Stephen King; Richard Laymon; Bentley Little. And if you want a comedic twist thrown in, then I highly suggest Christopher Moore (Bloodsucking Fiends was awesome but I will save that review for later.)

So today I want to review one of my favorite Bentley Little novels, The Association.

I probably need to preface this post with a little information about Mr. Little. For starters, his mind is definitely more warped than that of Stephen King (at least on paper) in that he likes to shock with a very intense gore factor. Now understand that Stephen King ranks as probably my favorite (I love his overly descriptive style) but he does not go overboard in entrails and dismemberment in the same manner as Bentley Little likes to do.

Secondly, Bentley Little likes to dabble in controversial subject matters which might make the reader question whether or not it's worth reading his books. I've had a couple occasion of this myself (mostly in cases of child molestation and incest) but ultimately he does rank as one of my favorites.

(It may also interest you to know that Bentley Little published his first novel The Revelation in 1990, and as a result won the Bram Stoker Award for "Best First Novel.")

Introduction to "The Association"

Anyone who has ever lived in a subdivision where a set of bylaws dictates how your home is to be maintained could probably relate to a chapter or more of this book. Yes, associations offer a clean and uniform community that can prove safer and cleaner and retain (if not improve) resale value, but does it stop there? And what of the people that make up this so called "association?" Are they looking out for your best interests, or theirs?

Brad & Maureen Welch thought they were leaving their crazy California lifestyle for a more peaceful and quiet one, but the problem with small towns is that your business soon becomes everyone else's and you never really know who you can trust.

Synopsis

It's always recommended that whenever you sign your name to any document, know what you are signing; read the fine print.

Unfortunately the Welch's missed that day in class as they soon discover that what they signed when moving into the peaceful gated community of Bonita Vista was not only an association agreement, but an agreement to abide by their rules at any cost (and I'm not just talking monetary repercussions!)

Paint your house the wrong color? Well, that might cost you a hand. Plant the wrong shrubs? Perhaps we'll take both hands for that crime. Want to dispute the association? No problem. Just know they will make your life a living hell that may not be worth living afterall....

Conclusion

As stated above, The Association is one of my favorite books. I highly recommend that if you do decide to read it, set aside the whole day as you won't want to put this book down.

Just know going in that it will be gory, it will be grotesque, and it will push the boundaries of the more "traditional" horror novel.

(Oh - and in case you are wondering, child molestation and incest are not traits of this novel so in case you have certain restrictions in your literature (as do I) know that those are not a consideration for this novel.)

The Association

Overall Rating:

Retail Price: $7.99

Amazon Price: $4.67

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David Arquette’s “The Tripper”

Courtney Cox & David Arquette's company "Coquette Productions" is no stranger to film. With the success of the TV show Dirt on FX Where Cox plays a very crass and open editor-in-chief of a sleazy tabloid, and the much less successful Talk Show Diaries - not to mention the combined filmography of both - I had to keep an open mind to any of their endeavors.

I have always been a fan of David Arquette. He usually plays the goofy guy role in comedies and comedic "horror" that I love. Needless to say when I stumbled across his directorial debut "The Tripper" at a local video rental store, I had to snatch it up.

You can tell 5 minutes into the movie that it is going to be your typical B-style horror. BONUS! Now if only it can deliver all the necessary criteria to make it a must see/must have without being too cheesy or campy (pay close attention for roles played by both Cox and Arquette.)

Cause & Effect

1967; a time of hippies and free love. When ganja is sweet and the sex is sweeter. The only problem is that the tree loving hippies picked on the wrong guy and nothing tastes sweeter than revenge.

Fast forward a few years when a group of lustful young hippie wannabes decide to join in on a nostalgic "free love" type weekend, the smell of blood gets lost in the hazy cloud of secondhand smoke......

Almost all of the required B criteria is offered tri-fold. You have nudity, both male and female; young people partying and engaging in sexual activities; drugs and profanity in overabundance; a chick who acts like virgin (even if she isn't one); and a maniacal killer in a Ronald Reagan mask.

Result

Aptly cheesy, but not in excess. My only real gripe is the blood, which was offered in abundance but not realistically. It was poorly presented as what seemed to be cherry kool-aid versus something more syrup-y. If you take that out of the mix, you'll find this movie to be actually entertaining - even thought it did break one of the main criteria of B film.....

.... There wasn't a bathroom scene!

I know, I know. Sacrilegious. In the movies defense however, it did take place in the woods where showers and tubs are not readily available. Arquette did try to make up for it with plenty of boob shots and sex. Plus there was a really gross Port-o-Potty scene which I am trying really hard to forget.

Conclusion

I liked it. I can't help it. I think my hubby might be a little saddened that he lost 2 hours of his life due to my making him suffer through this movie but then again, he does not share my passion for B.

Will you love it? I can't say. But if you like gratuitous sex, lots of boob shots, and really bad blood scenes, this movie is a must see.The killer is portrayed much in the same context as Michael Myers or Jason Voorhees so the potential for a sequel is strong.

Some might say this movie is a copycat of sorts due to the use of a mask to hide the killers identity. Truth be told, it's not so uncommon of a "plot." Masks add to the suspense factor. Even David Arquette's most notable character was in the Scream Trilogy where the killer wore what? Yup. A mask.

I would love a sequel to The Tripper. Of course numbers (as in $ signs) play a role in this happening, but who would have ever expected Evil Dead 2? Proof positive that anything is possible and we all know how that one turned out.

Watch this movie. And if you do watch it while smoking the sweeter stuff, be sure to let me know how the "trip" was.......

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Paris Hilton: Bad Actress?

Paris Hilton: Millionaire Model and really bad actress? Or is she good??

Let's face it. Paris is Hot. Say what you want to about her - that she is a spoiled rich kid who has the world by the ass; a dumb blonde; a waste of space; untapped genius..... ok that might be a bit of a stretch, but whatever you want to say about Paris one thing remains true.... she is hot.

And insanely wealthy. What I would give just to have one day of that kind of wealth.

If I actually had the opportunity though I would probably be so dumbfounded that I would waste 22 hours of the day in a dazed stupor and the 2 hours remaining for me to enjoy the wealth would probably be spent standing in line....

So anyway, I guess you are probably asking yourself why a Blog about horror movies would have a post about Paris Hilton. Well, I will tell you.

Paris is the new B-Queen. Yup. B-Queen or Queen-B, whichever you prefer. Taking The Simple Life out of the picture, Paris owes her film reportoire to really cheesy B, ok C - film. Most of which is in the horror genre.

Although her first movie is not horror but rather "comedy," Paris' film debut in "Wishman" is not a favorite among viewers. Admittedly I have not seen it nor do I plan to even though I am a huge fan of comedies.

From there we try a thriller called "Sweetie Pie" - equally snuffed by fans, not even worth dwelling on, and so we'll progress straight to Nine Lives.

Nine Lives is a wonderful C-film starring known actors Holly Hunter, Robin Wright Penn, and not so known daughter of Sidney Poitier, Sidney Tamila Poitier. You can catch it this month on FearNet. I found it rather entertaining in an "I-love-really-bad-movies" sort of way (this quirk of mine drives my hubby insane!)

Paris plays the typical token "gorgeous rich" chick and fitting for the role, she gets killed pretty quickly. I tried to notice if her acting had improved any at the point of this movie. Sadly I noticed no improvement. She's still very much the "noob and it shows" at this stage of her career.

Several other movies and t.v. show cameos later (all of which rank horribly with the viewers) Paris ends up on House of Wax - one of my contemporary favs - and actually shows signs of progression, albeit small, in her acting ability.

In House of Wax, I actually think Paris has progressed as as actress as she demonstrates signs of competent brain activity where for but a brief moment, she gives chase to the bad guy.

Sadly, it's not enough. Paris gets slaughtered as it would not be a cheesy B movie if she didn't.

Ironically enough, I like Paris in these B movies. She offers the beauty and ditz needed to satisfactorily deliver such a film, but doesn't stay alive long enough for me to want to kill her myself.

So what does the future hold for Paris, heiress to the Hilton fortune; star of "The Simple Life" and female desired by most every hot blooded hetero-male alive? Well - another cheesy B movie. And to make matters even worse in this case, it's tagged as being a musical.

Yup - Repo! The Genetic Opera. A musical. Slated for an August '08 release. I guess Paris is feeling the need to combine her sensational singing success with her equally acclaimed acting abilities. Who could ask for more?

One thing you can never deny about Paris is that she is hot. The only other thing I would never deny about Paris is that B movies is where she belongs because with B movies, quality acting is optional.

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Top 5 Killers in Horror Movies

Have any of you ever had a bad guy that you wanted to the beat the snot out of one of the good guys? People talk about rooting for the underdog all the time, but what about rooting for the killer? Feeling glad that some arrogant yokel who does nothing more than take up unnecessary space gets toasted by Jason, or Freddy.... finding comfort in knowing that the wonderful air we breathe is no longer wasted on some loser?

I know I have. And I've compiled a small list of some of my favorite horror movie bad guys:

Hannibal Lecter

The great Anthony Hopkins as the cannibalistic serial killer, Hannibal. He is so creepy and downright convincing in his first role as Hannibal in Silence of the Lambs that in 1992 he won the Academy Award for Best Actor.

I know Hannibal is no where near as vicious in the sense of gruesome, but in the sense of psychological mind screwing, there is no one better.

From talking a bozo in a separate jail cell to commit suicide by swallowing his tongue, to joyfully eating human flesh, Anthony Hopkins delivers a villain almost as gruesome as the mutants in The Hills Have Eyes. The Hannibal Trio will leave you feeling disturbed long after the credits have rolled, and I for one contribute it to Anthony Hopkins.

Jigsaw

The evil no-gooder in Saw 1 through 35 (Ok so that might be a stretch but with the popularity these movies have I feel confident they could easily have 35 installments before it's all over.)

Although I am not a huge Saw fan (as anyone who has read my blog previously knows that I am not for horror that could be reality unless it's based on a true story) I must confess that Jigsaw is downright twisted. Twisted in a manner that I have yet to see matched in any other villain. I often have marveled at the creativity and imagination of Stephen King but I think that the writers of Saw, James Wan and Leigh Whannell, definitely give him a run for his money.

The psychological aspects of the Saw movies is amazing in its translation, not losing any ground by being externalized on film. Admittedly I have only seen the first two but based off the series increased popularity I cannot imagine it has wanned. The blood and gore is superbly realistic, and serves well to magnify the fear factor that Jigsaw instills in his viewers.

It scared the BeJeBees out of me. So much so that I can't even watch any more of them. That should tell you something (about the movie being worth the watch; not that I am a big sissy who can't handle her psychopaths.)

Michael Myers

Say what you want, but I loved numbers 1-4 or 5 of the Halloween movies. And I even loved H2O - Michael 20 years later. I think #6 was a little lame but I have not seen it in so long that I can't quite remember.

One thing I do remember however, that is not cool about this series is that in one of them, 4? I think? Jamie Curtis's character Laurie Strobe is killed by Michael Myers. Yet she comes back for the 20th anniversary release of H2O.

So what did I miss? Can any of your fellow horror fans fill me in? Perhaps it was addressed in #6 and I am having a case of B-movie Blockage? (Yes, I just made that up.) Did she just break her back in the 4 story fall out of the hospital window?

Anyway, John Carpenter is one of my favorites as he always manages to appease the cheesy and campy requirements of classic B-movies. There is always nudity; there are always people running off by themselves; the bad guy never dies, and stupid people manage to act.... well..... stupider! A major thumbs up in my book!

Leatherface

What can be said about Leatherface that has not already be said or written? This guy has absolutely zero remorse, total dedication and determination to the hunt, and always finishes off the game with a tasty meal. And who will the guest of honor be? Why YOU of course, served with a side of veggies and potatoes.

Sure this movie could be a reality. After all, Jeffrey Dahmer really did exist. But for some reason this movie does not freak me out others do. This one is just plain badass good.

I know that typically the original versions are rarely surpassed by their predecessors. I too, typically prefer the original over any remakes. But the quality of cinematography and visual graphics has progressed so that in the horror genre, provided you have decent actors and a relatively competent director, the remake far surpasses the original but does not "take away from" the original.

For me, that is the case with The Texas Chainsaw Massacre. Both the 1974 version, and the 2003 remake are decidedly great gore-fest film and both scare the hell out of me. Leatherface and his chainsaw wielding thirst for bloodshed never wane and never run out of gas. Bare in mind the original version is not truly bloody, rather it suggests the carnage much in the style of famed Alfred Hitchcock.

(Another prime example of this is the Rob Zombie's Halloween versus John Carpenter's Halloween. Both awesome movies, and both with their own identity.)

Jason Voorhees

Yup. Jason from Friday the 13th fame, numbers 1 through 11. And Yup - you heard me right. 11.

I didn't love all of them. One that especially comes to mind is where Jason is made into a Cyborg (number 10 I think.) Another prime example of moldy cheese. But Jason is one determined bastard and he'll literally stop at nothing to kill anyone and anything he decides to place in his path.

The first 3 are definitely staples of any horror fan's vault and I love nothing more than curling up with a bucket of popcorn and a glass (or bottle) of wine (yes wine and popcorn taste good together!) and buckle up for the campy antics and typical B-film goodness that I know is in store for me. Sure I fuss at the stupidity even though I know whats going to happen; it's required.

Jason is alot like Freddy Kruger (who would be number 6 on my list if I were to go beyond number 5. Which I'm not.) Both cannot be killed and even if you decapitate them, they will be back, guarenteed. Even if you bury the head in the North Pole and the body in the South Pole; they will be back. You thought we only had two constants in life? The 2 being taxes and death? Well make Jason coming back again and again and again, constant number 3.

Conclusion

So there you have it. My favorite top 5 evil, no holds barred, no prisoners taken, kickass killers. Who are your favorites? Who did I leave out??

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Cheesy B Ripoffs………

….are my favorite kind (sadly Tremors is on my list of favs). My husband cringes whenever he sees me flip to Fearnet or the SciFi channel. My flavor for giant bug type movies make him wonder why he ever married me. I have tried to explain that the fact these movies exist and continue to be made is evidence that I am not alone; there are others out there just like me. He agrees…. but he doesn’t understand.

B-movie’s - defined as low budget movies that were shown in addition to the main feature (think double feature) or any movie that ran less than 80 minutes - date back as early as the 1920’s and featured A-list actors such as Vincent Price, Bella Lugosi, and Boris Karloff. Several A-list actors of today started out on B film - actors such as John Wayne and Jack Nicholson.

In the 40’s and 50’s, as the appeal of the Golden Age-style double feature began to wane, the “B movie” term was used to refer to any low-budget genre film featuring less known performers (i.e. B actors). The term retained its earlier suggestion that such movies relied on arranged plots, "stock" character types, and simplistic action or unsophisticated comedy. At the same time, the world of the B movie was becoming increasingly appealing territory for experimentation, both serious and outlandish.

In the 1950’s, science fiction, horror, and various hybrids of the two were the primary vein of the low-budget end of the B business. Then in the 60's, due to the loosening of industry censorship constraints, a major expansion in the commercial life of several B movie subgenres evolved that came to be known collectively as “exploitation films“ - films that featured vulgar subject matter and outrageous imagery, combined with intensive and gimmick laden publicity.

The Production Code standard was officially scrapped in 1968, to be replaced by the first version of the modern movie rating system. That year, with the code gone and the adult x-rating established, major studio A films like Midnight Cowboy could now show "adult" content, and the market for increasingly hardcore pornography exploded and nudity-filled sexploitation pictures found their place on the map.

Most of the B movie production houses founded during the exploitation era of the 60's and 70's collapsed or were absorbed by larger companies as the expense of production continued to rise in the early 1980s. Even a similarily cheap, efficiently made genre picture intended for theatrical release began to cost millions of dollars, as the major movie studios steadily moved into the production of expensive genre movies. Audiences desires and expectations for spectacular action sequences and realistic special effects began to rise, fueling the expense.

Despite the rising cost of production, difficulty in theatrical distribution, and overall risk in airing these films, a substantial number of genre movies from small studios and independent filmmakers were still reaching theaters. Horror was the strongest low-budget genre of the time, especially in the "slasher" mode (i.e. The Slumber Party Massacre (1982), written by feminist author Rita Mae Brown).

As well, the video rental market was becoming central to B film economics, and a number of B studios releases went this route, appearing only briefly in theaters if at all. The growth of the cable television industry also helped support the low-budget film industry, as many B movies quickly wound up as "filler" material for 24-hour cable channels or were made expressly for that purpose.

In the 1990’s, as the average cost of making a movie topped $25M, remaining B movie companies adapted by releasing movies straight to video. Now, in the 2000’s, there is rumor of the “impending extinction" of "the cheesy, campy, guilty pleasures" of the B picture, as "the schlock of the past has evolved into star-driven, heavily publicized, expensive mediocrities…” .....however many keep the faith alive.

....As do I. I for one believe the B movie will survive at all costs as so many of us love the cheesy campy unrealistic mindlessness of naked, stupid, airheads trying to survive bug/psycho slasher/zombie bloodlust. And I look forward to watching each and every one of them.

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