Sci-Fi’s “Ice Spiders”

I do so love movies with giant bugs. And I love the SciFi channel, much to my husbands dismay (apparently the channel does nothing to stimulate brain activity. Go figure.)

I especially love when the Sci-Fi channel comes out with an "original" movie that portrays giant bugs in such an unrealistic manner that it transcends comedy and borders hysteria. Like it did with their original movie Ice Spiders.

Throw in a couple used up actors singers losers former stars named Patrick Muldoon (who looks amazing similar to a brunette Kato Kailin) and a really badly aging Vanessa Williams, and you are talking about 90 minutes of totally inane B-movie madness joy! Or perhaps some really bad flash backs of Melrose Place since both actors played it at one point in time or another.... oh and hey! So did the guy who plays the part of Captain Baker!!

Actors (and I use that term loosely) aside, we have for starters, a "covert" military laboratory that is genetically engineering giant spiders for their incredible spider silk (and if you don't believe that spider silk is incredible, just ask Toby McGuire in Spiderman. He will make you a believer.)

Secondly, standard for this type of movie, we have a weird and really bad acting mad scientist who gives the spiders an extra little somethin'somethin' to progress their growing rate, which results in their escape from the lab and proceedance (is that even a word?) to ravage a nearby ski resort. These spiders are HUGE, neon colored, smart (or at least smarter than the people involved,) and ready to chow down on some human flesh! They also oddly resemble giant ticks, with tick like flat bodies but longer legs as that of spiders. Man I gotta tell ya', I was "askerred" of them! (Hah!)

But wait! All is not lost because thirdly, this ski resort is filled with ample spider fodder Olympic hopefuls training for their coveted big medals. Luckily (and this is forth on our list) Dash Dashiell (Patrick Muldoon) works there. Dash is a former Olympian who had demolished his legs in a horrific skiing accident so now no team in their right mind wants him in their corner (lucky for the ski resort, I assure you.)  We also learn that he was a Marine at some point in his life which definitely helps with the survival skills needed to ward off angry ravenous giant spiders!

Ice Spiders embodies all the cheese of just about every bad B-movie you've ever seen involving giant bugs. The awful dialogue, the incompetent acting, the ridiculous portrayal of the giant spiders - all classic B and almost 2 hours of gawd-awful fun! (well, except for the gratuitous boob shot. You don't typically find those in Sci-Fi originals and this one was no different.)

Ice Spiders may not be anything you want to admit having watched, but I can assure you watching it at least once is a must for anyone who enjoys truly awful B movie wannabes. it's fast paced with frequent blood spillage, surprising amounts of gore, and very colorful silly looking bad-ass spiders.

Of one thing I can assure you - and that is that Ice Spiders will keep you entertained. Comedically at least, if nothing else.....