Rob Zombie’s House of 1000 Corpses

There are two things I learned while watching Rob Zombie's House of 1000 Corpses: 1. If you wanna see a boob shot of Marilyn Monroe, watch this movie (and don't tell me it's a fake photo!! No one would EVER Photoshop Marilyn!) and 2. Don't ever trust some guy in clown paint.

Rob Zombie, founder and front man for the metal band White Zombie, made his directorial debut with the horror movie House of 1000 Corpses. It's the story of four kids, Jerry and Denise, and couple Bill and Mary, who, while on their way to visit Denise's father, happen upon "Captain Spaulding’s Museum of Monsters & Madmen" -a combination gas station and Carnival type Side Show that showcases the history of former serial killers.

Jerry could not be more excited as ironically, he is writing a book on roadside attractions. He falls into hog heaven when he learns that Captain Spaulding (played by the talented Sid Haig) has the inside scoop on Dr. Satan, a mad scientist who was obsessed with creating a new breed of humans - super humans if you will - through bizarre and grotesque surgeries performed on human subjects. Live human subjects (needless to say he failed.)

Jerry begs his friends to visit the nearby legendary Deadwood Tree, the execution site of Dr. Satan, and although Denise wants to skip visiting the tree and head straight to her father's house as planned, she is out voted, so together the foursome set out to visit Deadwood Tree.

(Probably not the smartest decision they made on their trip, but unfortunately, not the stupidest either.The stupidest decision they make is while on their way to Deadwood Tree: they pickup a hitchhiker named Baby Firefly.)

Soon the tire of their car is shot out by an unidentified man, but luckily it's not far from Baby's house. Baby (played by none other than Rob Zombie's real life bride Sheri Moon) invites them over until their car can be repaired. (Typical for B movies, the spare tire concept was apparently lost on the foursome and not factored into their travel plans. Dumb kids.)

That's when the fun really begins.

It seems the Firefly's are a family of torturous and demented freaks who like to unmercifully violate their victims. We learn they already have in their possession five missing cheerleaders, whom they have taken great pleasure in beating and abusing. We also learn that the Firefly's enjoy an occasional meal of human flesh. Too bad our foursome isn't informed of this tidbit of information before dinner.

What happens next is a sick carnival ride of blood, gore, and shock effects that only Rob Zombie could deliver (and if you watched his vision version of Halloween, you'd understand.)

I do not believe that Rob Zombie was going for a cohesive story line with this movie. Instead, I think he was aiming towards glorifying the horror classics that influenced his pension for such things, such as The Texas Chainsaw Massacre, The Evil Dead, and Last House on the Left and ff you are paying enough attention to the details of this movie, you will catch images and references to those very films. A homage of sorts.

Zombie's vision glorifies the exploitation genre, providing enough bloodshed, gore, and slasher type shock effect to satisfy just about every caliber of horror fan. That is as long as you have an open enough mind for the suspension of belief, and are not a stickler for details. But isn't that the case with most horror movies? Isn't that why we enjoy them so much? The "unbelievable" factor? At least it is the reason for me....

Although the majority of the "crimes" committed in this film have been witnessed on film before, Rob Zombie's slant is refreshing and creative, and I can only imagine what the unedited and unrated directors cut (if ever released on video) will offer. I'm guessing a whole lot more blood and guts than even I could handle, with plot and substance of course, remaining optional.

The movie wraps up with a climatic chain reaction of Denise's dad calling in the cops to go looking for her, and all of them ending up dead in a graphic manner at the Firefly's hovel. Although this is not typically the type of horror movie I add to my drawer of keepers (as his version of Halloween has) I must say that while I did not thoroughly enjoy the movie, I enjoyed it enough to say that I think it's worth watching.

....don't you?

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Clive Barker’s Midnight Meat Train

Ok, so with a name like "Midnight Meat Train" it's probably safe to assume there is going to be meat, though probably not the kind you would want to eat unless you are of the same sick and twisted caliber such as Ed Gein, or Jeffrey Dahmer.

Oh, and there will probably be blood on the Midnight Meat Train. Lots and lots of blood.

In Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train, Leon (Bradley Cooper) is an struggling "city life" photographer who gets a career break when his girlfriend Maya (Leslie Bibb) pulls some strings and hooks him up with the renowned "art gallerist" Susan Hoff (played by none other than Brooke Shields.) Susan sees potential in Leon, and states that she will consider showcasing his work when he can bring her pictures of the "real" city. She also recommends that when Leon finds it, not to be afraid and run; rather face it, and take the picture.

Leon's first "photo shoot" starts out with a potential rape victim in the subway. Leon happens along a couple of thugs harassing a young woman, all the while silently taking photos of the attack. When the victim notices Leon from the corner of her eye, he interrupts the attack and manages to prevent things from getting messy for himself and the female target.

Upon developing the photos of the attack, Leon finds one in particular that turned out exceptionally expressive. At the urgings of his girlfriend, Leon shows the picture to Susan Hoff. She was "wowed."  So much so that if Leon can come up with two more shots, equally gritty, he can have a spot in her next showing.

"Take the picture." That was Susan's advise for capturing the darkness of the city. Too bad Leon didn't have the foresight to see that those three little words would cause such a downward spiral of his life and sanity.....

When the subway girl in the "almost attack," a famous model, ends up missing, Leon goes to the police with the photos of the attack he interrupted, citing his suspicions that the attackers in his photographs did not flee, rather doubled back after he was gone. The police aren't too concerned with him or his theories however, and suggest he should not bother to come back unless he has something more concrete to work with than theories......

Take the picture. That's all Leon needs to do. So he puts aside caution, and begins his nightly quest to find the perfect shot, the one (ones?) with more substance than theory, more darkness than light, more feeling than thought. Only Leon ends up finding more than he bargained for.

Way more.

What Leon finds is Mahogany (Vinnie Jones) a butcher by trade, who randomly "butchers" passengers taking late night rides on the subway. Of course Leon doesn't know this when he first discovers Mahogany exiting the subway in the wee hours of the morning, yet in his growing obsession with discovering the darker side of the city, Leon finds himself stalking Mahogany, night after night, looking, and waiting, for something to happen...

The subway. What is so fascinating about the subway? Leon itches to know as he photographs Mahogany repeatedly entering and leaving it's dark recesses, until soon suspicions fester, and Leon begins to piece together the photos he takes of Mahogany along with news clippings of missing people. Could Mahogany somehow be responsible? Could he be the serial killer the newspaper's have been writing about??

Well you can't have a horror movie with people making smart decisions, and this one promises to be no different. Instead of Leon cutting his losses and forgetting about the potential misdeeds taking place in the subway, he decides to change things up by actually entering the subway, and taking a late night ride on the same train as Mahogany.

It was one of the worst mistakes Leon would ever make.

With the direction of Japanese filmmaker Ryuhei Kitamura, Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train offers more than it's fair share of bloodshed, guts, and flying body parts. The shock effects were cleverly delivered, the graphics convincingly real, and I am happy to say I saw no traces of Koolaid or creamed corn in the presentation of entrails and gore. I am however, sorry to say that I actually found myself looking between my fingers on more than one occasion, apparently losing my ability to watch someone's head become violently severed at the eyeballs. Thankfully I can still listen to it just fine, and I can assure you that the screams of Mahogany's bludgeoned victims will send chills up and down your spine.

Surprisingly (and I can't believe I am saying this) I don't want to give the ending away to Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train as it will take you by surprise (unless of course, you have already read the book) but I would like to point out that it involves reptilian/alien type carnivores and an underground network of "partners in crime." I mention this because like most books made into movies, much is lost in the translation, and things (such as the reptilian/alien type carnivores) just don't add up. The underground network doesn't even add up although it does help to tidy things into a neat little bow. Typically convenient.

What does translate well onto film however, is the stoic demeanor of the ever silent Mahogany as he performs his nightly ritual, almost as though it were his duty. At one moment we see him so hellbent on murderous precision and delivering just that without a drop of remorse, yet the next minute, but only for a second, you see a softer side, one with apparent repulsion and possible regret. I actually found myself feeling sorry for Mahogany, but it was only for a fleeting moment, as that of his softer side.

Gruesome and chilling, Midnight Meat Train is definitely not for the faint of heart, but conversely, it may not be quite brutal enough for hardcore horror fans who relish the Saws of the world. Is it worth watching? Most definitely. Is it a keeper? Probably not. But the meat cleaver will remain in your memory banks long after the movie is over.

"Now serve, as we all do, without question......"

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Happy Tree Friends = twisted humor

I haven't been much for writing these last few days. I can't seem to get my brain to focus long enough. Old age perhaps? Anyway, I have spent some time surfing the web in hunt for kickin' zombie sites. Sites filled with blood and guts. Sites dedicated to dismemberment.

You know - cool shit.

And guess what? I found it. Them really. Happy Tree Friends.

Now don't let their name fool ya'. They may be happy, but they are anything but your friend. Great for Saturday morning cartoons but only if you have a twisted sense of humor and are not easily nauseated. Luckily, both of those criteria are a part of my genetic makeup. Probably 'cuz I was dropped on my head repeatedly as a kid.

Not a believer? Let's try one on for size:

Needless to say, this first video I saw sucked me right in like a fat kid on a candy bar. And not just one candy bar either; we are talking the whole f'n box! I had to see if they were all as captivating as this one. All as bloody. All as inventive. All as cute.

WOW! I have hit the mother load of cartoon horror! My husband is convinced there is something wrong in my noggin' for enjoying such twisted humor as this. I told him he need not be concerned; just be sure to sleep with one eye open. One can't be too safe these days.

So why not check it our for yourself? They have oodles of clips to choose from; all equally funny, all bloody, and all original.

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PhotoHunt: Twisted Zombie Leg

Ok, so Claire has me thinking I might give this once a week "Photo Hunter" thingy a try. I love photography but never make time for it so this might be one of those things that motivate me to be more proactive.

This weeks theme is "Twist(ed)." Since I could not readily locate a picture that I have taken to use for this weeks theme, I decided to create one.

I got a little happy with Photoshop's graphic options. I'm sure Photoshop is way better than this, but its all I could manage at first go 'roung......

Hope you think it's "witty." If you don't, then lie to me and say it is. I have feelings too, ya know.

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