A Refresher Course in Zombie Survival
Posted by Petra · 6 Comments
As I grow older, and my own impending mortality slaps me a little more harshly in the face with awareness, I feel that practicing my survival skills more frequently than my I did in my younger years would prove most advantageous.
Daily news reportings show us that helpless individuals tend to be more the victim, either due to age and slower/weaker resources, or simply due to sheer ignorance (imagine the fate of the stupid ones!)
Now I know what you are thinking. You are thinking that I am referring to muggers, rapists, and other 
criminals who perform random acts of violence. I wish I were but sadly those are crimes you cannot fully prepare for. Oh sure you can take karate classes, or carry a gun in hopes of protecting yourself from such violence, but you can't see these victimizers coming. You can only react once they do.
Fate plays a big part in random acts of crime and as to whether or not you will fall prey to them. Be prepared, sure; but have the foresight to prevent them from happening? Not unless you want to become a hermit. Even then, it's debatable if you will be spared.
No- the survival skills I speak of are those that will potentially save you from the impending zombie invasion. Are you ready? Do you have what it takes to survive? Are you strong enough, mentally??
A couple months back I posted about the best weapons to be used in a zombie attack. You might have read it, but did you retain the information? Perhaps you thought it was drivel; not at all valuable information. But it's exactly that kind of thinking that will get you killed, and then you too, will be eating the flesh of your neighbor with other smelly and fugly undead types.
1. Identify your opponent
They might look innocent enough, but remember, just because there is not evidence of blood or missing body parts does not mean its not an "undead" being. Are they moving slowly? Is their appearance disheveled?? Do they smell of rot? And of course, do they understand the words that are coming out of your mouth??
All of these are clues that could save your life if you pay close enough attention. Trust your gut and your brains, else you might lose them.
2. Understand your opponent
Who are they? Where did they come from? Why do they want to eat your brains? Knowing the answers to these questions could save your life.
3. Seek a safe environment
First and foremost, do NOT lock yourself in a basement or attic! There is no safe way out of these areas, and you want to make sure you can get away in the event of a zombie invasion. Always make sure there is a way OUT even if you want to prevent them from coming IN.
4. Arm yourself
As stated in my opening comments, and I cannot stress this enough, it is VITAL to your survival to arm yourself. In the case of zombies, there is no such thing as too many weapons or too many bullets. There is only the case of potentially not having enough.
5. Zombies are more than just "undead" people
They can be birds, as evidenced in Resident Evil 2; dogs, as in Resident Evil #1; monkeys, as in Dead Alive (review pending); and even BUGS, as I warned you about a month or so ago. Remember - do NOT let your guard down!!
6. Know the facts
Knowledge is key. There is no such thing as too much information. Both may sound cliche but play such an important role in your survival. Read. Study. Prepare. I can't stress this enough. Even President Bush acknowledges there is a threat. Surely you can't denounce the warnings of our president??
These are merely the basics; common sense stuff every HUMAN full of LIFE and BRAINS should know. We are no where near being ready though, by having this information. It's merely a small fraction of the big picture of survival.
I will be picking up with another installment of zombie survival skills, but since it has been so long in between posts, I just wanted to revisit the key points already outlined. As before, print them out. Post them prominantly, where you can see them daily and not forget.
Because forgetting can get you "undead."
When the Robinson's new zombie servant saves Timmy from the bullies at school, Timmy finds he has a new best friend and names him FIDO (Lassie would have been more fitting, but being as Lassie was a girl, I'm thinking FIDO works fine.) Unfortunately however when Fido's collar malfuncions, he proceeds to eat a cranky old wench, and Timmy has to deal with the bloody remains.
FIDO is a satirical spin on modern day zombie movies, but it also offers us a movie with heart and hope. Hope that zombies can exist in modern day society as a part of the family, and hope that family values, although somewhat slightly askew, still exist in a world gone mad.
is definitely worth watching. In my case, it will probably end up in my drawer of 