Detour on Life’s Highway to Hell
Posted by Petra · 7 Comments
You guys need to forgive me for this short detour. Sometimes the psyche takes over and no matter how hard you try to stay focused, your attempts become futile and at some point you must concede defeat.
Have you ever had something in your life affect you so deeply that whenever you reflect upon it, it's as though it was happening all over again? And you try to purge yourself of its memory by some grand acknowledgment of the event thinking that validation of it will somehow offer you a much needed release?
But the release is fleeting and somewhere along life's highway something triggers the memory when you least expect it and you find yourself right back at square one.
That's how it is for me, anyway and the validation I angled for is the poem I wrote below. I hoped the acknowledgment contained within would offer closure. The closure lasted all of a week.
That was about 10 years ago. The event's shadows still haunt my peripheral view, gaining substance when I least expect it; propelling me back to that day so long ago. Refusing to fade.
I'm just wondering if any of you out there ever experienced this. It's been heavy on my mind today for some reason. Do you think I might be crazy?
Yeh, I'm probably crazy.
Torn ~
Wanting to feed the life
Yet choking on its breath.
Numb ~
Emotion recognized yet denounced:
Feigning nonchalance.
Tears of denial fall
Yet are absently dismissed.
And still they burn in their
Path of descent
~ Scarring the soul.
And what consequence will be suffered?
~ Before forgiveness is granted (if at all…)
And will repercussions be faced?
(As penance for my sin...)
Or will the torment of the act
Sufficiently suffice:
Continuously reminded by the
Guilt that cannot rest,
Tucked loudly in the corners of my mind...
(an original poem by yours truly)
I do not think you are crazy. I think you might be in need of a hug and a sandpaper-y kiss from a curly cat.
Daisy the Curly Cat’s last blog post..Monday Mystery: A puzzle for you
Not crazy, fun!
Ryne’s last blog post..Urban Chillers Contest Review – Scream
Oh no no Petra!
Look again!
For some reason, the blogroll is weird and doesn’t list you as Lil Blog of Horrors but as Horror blog of zombies, vampires, a B movies.
Also, it never lists any updates you do like the others in the blogroll, but I’m not sure how to fix that.
But either way, you’re still in the blogroll! I would never take you off!
Ryne’s last blog post..Urban Chillers Contest Review – Scream
Never mind I fixed the name!
But it still won’t post your updates =/
Ryne’s last blog post..Urban Chillers Contest Review – Scream
DAISY – I’m willing to bet your sandpaper kisses are better than popcorn!
RYNE – whew! You had me worried my breath smelling or something. I feel much better now. Thank you for feeding my ego.
KAREN – your story brought tears to my eyes. I am so sorry for your loss. Thank you for sharing and thank you for getting me. Not many people do.
I am officially known as a non hugger but twice now I have wanted to hug you.
In a non sexual never met you kind of way
Closure is a pile of crap and there are some things that you never get over, that doesn’t mean that they will always feel awful and be with you all the time though.
I learnt that in class, you learn about closure then you learn that not everyone is the same and people just don’t get over things like it says in a text book.
Sorry for rambling, hope you feel better and brighter.
Claire’s last blog post..A moment of reflection before Doodle Week!
The bad things you do will never go away, but they can be easier to live with if you share them with someone else. Those things’ll eat you from the inside otherwise, and I speak from experience.
I don’t mean share it with a pro, like a shrink or a priest; but someone else like you, that you consider a peer. Even if they’re critical, you’ll be free of the burden of self-judgement.
.45s last blog post..Required Slacker Reading