John Dowdle’s 2008 Quarantine: aka [REC]

Quarantine: a strict isolation, usually imposed by the government in order to prevent the spread of something considered dangerous, such as that of disease. The duration of such being typically 40 days, presuming anyone would survive that long....

TV reporter Angela Vidal (Jennifer Carpenter) and her ever ready cameraman Scott (Steve Harris) are documenting a night in the life of the Los Angeles Fire Department - as seen from the inside - with the firemen themselves providing the guided tour. As the hours tick away and night settles in, Angela begins to itch for a call, albeit one not life threatening, so she and Scott can find some action to report in the otherwise boring night; something camera worthy.

Luckily they don't wait very long before a routine call comes in summoning them to a downtown apartment building where local cops are already on scene. Screams of torment can be heard coming from one of the tenants apartments though upon investigation, it's unclear exactly why she was screaming. The only signs of disorder is her foaming at the mouth, uncontrollable wheezing, and what appears to be dried blood covering the front of her nightgown and chin. The cops and firemen aren't too concerned with these minor details at first. At least not until the tenant decides to violently attack one of the cops with her teeth. Suddenly everyone is paying attention.

The whole "film documentary" effect seems to be coming somewhat commonplace in Hollywood, even though we saw it back in 1985, with the release of Cannibal Holocaust. The theatrical release of The Blair Witch Project in 1999 revived the concept, almost acting as a catalyst for copycat writers. I for one think The Blair Witch Project was highly overrated, but I seem to be in the minority with that thought. Since that time though, we have had George A Romero's Diary of the Dead, Cloverfield, Welcome to the Jungle, and now Quarantine, the US version of the Spanish release [REC].

Quarantine was filmed rather effectively, providing the viewer a broader range of vision than what has been typical in this genre thus far. I would imagine this is largely due to the "character" in control of the camera being a cameraman by trade. Typically, the "documentarist" is a college kid, using a cam for the very first time, or some guy with glasses that keep getting in the way. The camera shakes, scenes are cropped, and you only see half the drama. Scott, the cameraman in Quarantine, was obviously "skilled" so camera shake or moments of un-focus were not due to inexperience, but rather unexpected and sudden events, resulting in them lasting briefly. I found the documentary effect of this movie to be virtually unnoticeable or annoying until the very end at which point, actually aided the fear factor.

In minutes from the tenant's attack on the police officer, the apartment building is sealed off from the outside world, with power and cell phone service stopped. Not only can the tenants no longer contact the outside world, but the outside world can no longer enter the quarantined zone. No explanation is given; no remedy is provided; and no hope is felt as the tenants begin to realize they have been left for dead. Their only explanation is that the CDC is following government orders and will kill them, rather than letting one of them out of the building.

So what do you do when you are trapped like mice, waiting for the snake to swallow you whole? You look for a way out. Any way out, to avoid suffering death on the inside. Death in a very unpleasant and painful manner. A manner none of them would have dreamed in their worst nightmares, or wished on their worst enemy. Only every way out is anticipated and blocked, and all paths lead back inside. Inside where hell is no longer a state of mind...

Quarantine does a great job of playing up the fear factor and scare tactics, although they lack in originality at times. There is a sufficient amount of bloodshed and gore to keep this film at an R rating, however it is no where near as much bloodshed and gore as has become standard for Hollywood. Did this detract from the movie? For me, not at all. I enjoyed this movie almost as much as the Dawn of the Dead remake. Will others enjoy this movie? Reviews show it will depend largely on whether or not you have actually seen the original [REC] - if you have, most likely this movie will suck, as reviewers claim it pales in comparison. If you have not seen [REC], chances are you will really enjoy this one. I have not seen [REC] and true to theory, I enjoyed Quarantine, and I really need to give credit for that to Jennifer Carpenter for her amazing portrayal of Angela. I felt her excitement at the thought of a real story when the call first came in. I felt her fear when the senseless killings and mass hysteria started. And I not only felt her terror, but believably saw it written on her every moment even after the credits rolled.

I have watched Quarantine 5+ times since its original release, and every time continues to leave me chilled. In my mind, that is the sign of a "keeper" worthy flick. And in my list of favorite zombie flicks, this one is in the top 10.

.......but to be perfectly honest, I can't wait to see [REC]!

ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction

In a nutshell, it's safe to say that if zombies are the subject matter, I am drooling. It's also safe to say that based on my affinity for B movies, it does not take much to impress me. Meaning it can be a pretty gawd awful movie and 9 out of 10 times, s'long as zombies are involved, I'm gonna love it. Unfortunately that is not the case with this movie and I can't begin to tell you how disappointed I am that the AfterDark release of ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction fit into that 1 out of 10 category.

Allow me to give you the meat and potatoes of ZMD: Zombies of Mass Destruction:

Port Gamble is a little island town where everything appears to be sunshine and roses. White picket fences line each yard and everyone knows everyone else and waves to all in welcome. On the surface, life in Port Gamble is grand and everyone is happy, yet we see subtle clues alluding the to discontent of the townsfolk, a not so subtle foreshadowing of unpleasant things to come.

We see a blind man stumble upon an undead corpse washed ashore the local beach and before you can say "brainnnnnsss" he is bitten, and peaceful Port Gamble is mobbed by hungry zombies. Don't be fooled however, as these zombies are not where the true horror of ZMD lies. Instead, we learn the real horror lies in the masked bigotry of the townsfolk.

ZMD's main focus is Frida, an American of Iranian descent, and gay couple, Tom and Lance. It seems the townsfolk have kept buried their true feelings of these individuals, and the arrival of zombies has given voice to their prejudices, as well as granting them arrogance to inflict upon them physical torture. The townsfolk felt they could not cleanse their town of zombies until they cleansed their souls of their inner demons (zombies if you will.)

Was there blood in ZMD? Oh Yeh. lots of it actually. Were there humorous moments that made me laugh, albiet briefly? Sure. But was I bored out of my mind with the "message" of "the demon you don't know is sometimes worse than the demon you do know"? You better frickin' believe it. See, I live in the South; the Biblebelt South. And in my antiquated city, prejudice and ignorance is more commonplace than grilling out on game day. If I wanted to see a movie about such things, I'd take a trip into town with my snazzy Canon camcorder rolling, and replay it on my flatscreen tv....

I watch these movies to escape reality, not be reminded of it.

What happened to the good old days of the Evil Dead when a zombie movie was all about flesh eating corpses and really cool boom sticks? Or Planet Terror where there was so much action and bloodshed that no one gave two shits as to whether or not there was a hidden message. Am I being too harsh? Expecting too much?

Probably. And I would imagine if I were to watch it again, on a weekend perhaps, in a different state of mind (and with a bottle of wine in my belly) I would most likely actually enjoy it.... maybe. Once I embrace the "Political Zomedy" aspect of it rather than roll my eyes at it's message....

Ah, who am I kidding? This is one zombie movie that will NOT end up in my vault of keepers.

2010′s The Crazies

I'm a very sarcastic person. Most people who I associate with in everyday life don't get that about me. They usually think I am being a bitch or just simply rude. They all just need to lighten up if you ask me and stop taking offense at everything I say. Why the hell should I have to walk around on eggshells all the time just because they are too slow or too stupid to know when I am busting their chops?

I think it would amaze them if they knew I held a certain affinity for zombies. Perhaps not in a good way; it might actually solidify their suspicions that I am certifiable. Fuck 'em I say, 'cuz on that inevitable day when zombies really do come to town we'll see who the last one standing will be: ME. That's right. This sarcastic bitch and I will be laughing the whole time saying "I told you so." Yup. I sure would. Cuz I am a bitch that way.

So speaking of zombies, any of you seen the new movie The Crazies yet? I did. Drug my hubby to it just today, and I gotta say, even though he was not terribly crazy about it, I was.

The Crazies is a remake of the 1973 flick of the same title, although the 1973 version was written and directed by none other than George A. Romano. I can't believe I haven't seen that one - or at least, I don't remember having seen it. I'm gonna have to log onto Netflix after writing this review to see if its available for instant download. I can't imagine I would have passed it up. Maybe my not remembering is a sign that it wasn't worth remembering...??

So as far as the 2010 Breck Eisner's version of The Crazies goes, I'd have to say it was pretty entertaining. This version jumps right into the suspense factor with Roy, the local Otis Campbell, who comes strolling onto the high school baseball field with loaded shotgun in tow resulting in his getting shot dead by town sheriff David Dutton. That same suspense continues to build, as we see Bill Farnum when he snaps and burns his wife and son alive. But don't think the fun stops there. The Crazies pretty much doesn't let up until the very end.

In a Nutshell

Focusing on sheriff David Dutton and his pregnant doctor wife Judy, The Crazies is about a big ass plane that goes down in the local water supply of the town of Ogden Marsh, Iowa. We soon learn the plane has contaminated the water supply with a viral pandemic, and the unlucky townsfolk who manage to become infected turn into veiny, bloody, unemotional killers. Luckily the government is on top of the plane fiasco and quickly send in troops to contain the situation by brute force, if necessary. True to form for this type of movie, this translates to everyone needing to be killed otherwise how else can we really know for sure if the pandemic has been eradicated?

So David, his wife Judy, his trusty deputy Russell Clark, and a couple of other survivor wannabes, are left to their own devices trying to stay alive, uninfected, and un-captured by the two faced militia.

The Delivery

The main character selection in The Crazies are most all faces you will recognize:  Timothy Olyphant as David (The Perfect Getaway, Hitman, Stop-Loss, among many more); Radha Mitchell as Judy (the Surrogates, Silent Hill, Man on Fire) and Joe Anderson as Russell (The Ruins, Control.) Their acting was pretty mediocre but definitely above B status which is a good thing considering the size of the paycheck I am sure they will rake in.  I actually found Anderson to be the most convincing of the bunch. Their reactions and actions in general were pretty realistic, but a little whiny on the part of David and Judy. I am sure the idea was to show the movies "softer side" but it came across as just plain annoying.

The military aspect was pretty believable. If you pay attention to the movie, you see it was obvious that the town was being watched and orders were being given and the military's response time and reaction to the infected were to be expected. We are also offered little bits of information throughout the movie that let you know the plane was government issue and its going down was the reason for the subsequent events, which tied the time line together pretty convincingly.

There really wasn't a gore element in The Crazies, but there was blood and really cool makeup effects on the infected. It certainly looked realistic and that is always a plus in my book, even if I am a fan of rubber creature features. The infected had a sadistic side and liked to inflict this sadism onto the uninfected in some pretty inventive blood splattering ways. I actually found myself cringing from the - dare I say brutality? - of the movie.

My .02 Cents

Although The Crazies is no where near as good as Carriers or Quarantine, it is definitely ginormously better than 2009's Pandemic (a movie I can't review because it was so bad that 30 minutes after having watched it, I forgot most everything about it.) And although its rather predicable (what horror movie isn't these days?) I think its safe to say that The Crazies is definitely my kind of flick. Sure a couple of gratuitous boob shots would have improved the movie, but Breck Eisner (who is also directing the 2012 remake of Flash Gordon) made up for it by having no real slow spots, not too terribly many holes, and offering plenty of violence. I was actually surprised more than once. Kudos, Breck Eisner!

Steven Seagal is Against The Dark

I learned a long time ago that Steven Seagal was used up pretty much after his second film, Hard to Kill. Not that he was good in those first two flicks, but rather that he was sort of good looking, could pull off fight scenes believably, and did not come across as being the arrogant prick he does now. Sure it'd be one thing if his arrogance was justified, but does he seriously think he's that good of an actor that his mere presence in a movie makes it a hit? Hello! Where has this man been for the last 20 years? Did he miss the part where his 30+ films sucked so bad that most either went straight to DVD, or he had such a small role that his presence went unnoticed? (Shock me shock me shock me with that deviant behavior!)

And what the hell is up with Stevieboy's ponytail? Did someone once tell him that "Hey! That's a good look for you" so he decided he'd be buried with the damned thing? Is he afraid if he takes it down all his hair will fall out?

And heaven forbid he have any inflection in his voice or facial expressions. I guess it would detract from his "signature" dark and brooding look that he likes to display in all his roles. Pretty hard to screw up monotone.

Then last (but certainly not least) is of course Seagal's ever expanding waistline. You'd think with all his vast wealth he has earned from all these "hit" films, he'd be able to afford a trainer, but I suppose they would not teach him anything he doesn't already know, and I would imagine they would quit within the first 10 minutes of training.  So instead he wears that same black jacket, movie after movie (or at least they all look the same to me) since as well all know, black is very slimming.... Yet I watch Seagal's movies - many of them, anyway - probably because being a lover of gawd-awful cheesy movies, I know Steven Seagal will deliver. So imagine my elation when I found out he was in a movie that involved none other than vampires. Hell yeh!

2009's Against The Dark is another one of those flicks that start out in medias res where a contageous virus has turned all of the infected into flesh eating vampires. Everything about these vampires scream zombie but because they cannot go out in the daylight we learn they are actually vampires. It's a damned good thing they told me this early on in the movie, too. I needed the clarification 'cuz I was pretty convinced they were zombies.

So within the first 5-10 minutes we see that Seagal plays the role of Tao (ooohhhh, how symbolic) a "hunter" who slices and dices flesh eating vampires with ease as he rushes in to save the human life of a mere lad. Such a hero.

Scene break to six survivors who managed to be trapped inside an abandoned hospital while looking for meds as they search for an exit while simultaneously staying alive. Not so easy as the hospital is filled with the vambies / zompires that are just itching for yet another meal.

I'm not going to bother mentioning any of the other actors in this movie because true to form they are all basically no-name nobodies. I'm also not going to walk you through the chain of events that causes them to die, one by one, until the last remaining few are saved by our symbolic hero Tao. Nor will I go into detail about how the film is darkly shot in an attempts to hide the many flaws of our hero, as well as add to the fear factor of flesh and gore that is so prevalent throughout the film. I would however like to comment on the movie's soundtrack and how humorous I found it to be in the selection of music played to enhance our "amazing" vampire hunter. Hand picked by our star actor himself, I am sure.

Against the Dark did entertain me though, thanks in part to the ample blood and gore. Add that to the fact that nothing else was on tv and I was tired. Plus I was surfing the web while I was watching it. Besides, Seagal's screen time was all of maybe 15 minutes in total spread throughout so if nothing else, that shows promise... right? Almost makes me regret not having watched Lawman yet.

Yeh, rite!

Stephen Bradley’s 2005 Boy Eats Girl

This is one of my favorite zombie horror comedies. British humor at its best!!

Alex & David Pastor’s 2009 Carriers

Everyone talks about what they would do when faced with uncertain death - us versus whatever the threat may be - survival at all costs. But until you walk a mile in those shoes you really can't say; you really don't know.... and you really can't identify your true self or what your true capabilities are.

....Or what you would do to survive. Read more

Zombie Myth Busters & Weapons That Kill

This is the 2nd installment in my series of Zombie Survival tactics as learned in Max Brook's book "The Zombie Survival Guide." Read more

Tommy Wirkola’s 2009 Dead Snow

Nazi Zombies Ruin a Good Time. This is definitely one I need to add to my Netflix cue - how could I have missed this gem???