Stephen King’s 1986 Maximum Overdrive

Why is it all the movies I love are gawd awful movies of Hollywood? For example, I love Tremors. Talk about a DUMBass movie - Tremors tops the charts. Bad acting, totally unbelievable story line, no boob shots or blood (although the graphics used to create the grab-oids was pretty cool.) And I gotta tell ya', I have watched that damned movie more than 20 times and have loved each and every viewing.

But Tremors is not what I want to talk about today. No, today is reserved for another one of my ridiculous B pleasures..... Maximum Overdrive. Oh yehhhhhhhhhh!

For whatever reason Stephen King's books have never been able to capture the same mood on screen as they do on paper. While his books leave you frighteningly chilled and speculating the "what ifs," the more recent movie versions always come across rather comical, silly, and most decidedly B. Rarely do you see his movie adaptations deliver the same effect as his earlier works such as Carrie or The Shinning. It's too bad really as his books can be amazingly disturbing.

Though not billed as a comedic horror film, Maximum Overdrive certainly has the feel of one. The basic premise of the film is that the earth passes through the tail of a comet at which point most all mechanical things seem to spring to life. Electric carving knives, blenders, remote control cars, trucks, semis - you get the picture. And for what ever reason, these mechanical things all seem to be rather angry and begin attacking humans indiscriminately.

I think one of my favorite scenes is where a mailman is delivering mail (on foot no less. You don't see that anymore) when out of no where a remote control truck begins to follow him. In a matter of minutes the toy knocks the mailman to the ground and proceeds to bash his brains in by repeatedly running into his head.

Now I can understand why some of you might find this frightening but keep in mind that this remote control truck is no taller than 10 inches so there is no reason why this mailman could not have just stomped on the blasted thing when it first ran into his ankle. Instead however he becomes a giant sally to the point the that truck is literally taking him down at the ankles (the term ankle-biter comes to mind.) And if that wasn't enough, instead of grabbing the truck with one or (here's a thought) BOTH hands, he instead cowers in a feeble attempt to use his arms as a shield against the attacking toy.

Ok, so I realize these numb-nuts are necessary in order to create a movie such as this; after all, had the mailman done what I suggested the movie would have taken a dramatically different turn and not been anywhere near as entertaining. So I suspend disbelief and find the humor in its delivery....

....which makes this next scene hysterical! It's when a soda machine decides to get even with some kid who was a little less than gentle in trying to enjoy a beverage.... and who wouldn't want a steam roller for backup?? Classic stuff!

So in a nutshell, Maximum Overdrive is the story of Billy (played by Emilio Estevez) who appears to be the "brains" behind a small group of humans that are trapped at the Dixie Boy Truck Stop where the possessed vehicles decide to "stock up" as it is right off the interstate. Billy quickly surmises that the trucks will allow them to live in exchange for pumping the life sustaining gas the trucks so desperately need. The only problem is that the gas will only last for so long, and the comet was to pass over their little world for a total of eight days. To survive those eight days while trucks and rigs have thought processes, can read the minds of humans, and exhibit homicidal tendencies proves to be an uneasy task for sure.... and if the gas does run out, what will become of them all?

What was curious about Maximum Overdrive was that cars, boats, and motorcycles never came to life, yet carving knives, blenders, and toy autos did. I can't help but think this is some type of prejudice on the part of the writer/director, Stephen King. What does he have against boats and motorcycles? Do muscle cars intimidate him? I find it hard to imagine Stephen King would overlook such an important detail; he loves detail!

Ah well, I guess it's a good thing I don't obsess about these things. If I begin to, I'll just pop in the soundtrack for this baby cuz every last song on it is performed by AC/DC, and that alone makes this movie worthwhile. Of course, so does the campy humor, blood (dare I say "gore"?) effects, and classic B dialogue. Yes, Maximum Overdrive is definitely a keeper for any true B movie lover.

Troma’s 1997 Bugged!

It's one thing to know stuff about yourself without really acknowledging what that stuff is. Like being told a particular pair of jeans makes your ass look fat but not believing the reality of it until it slaps you in the face because your ex best bud posted a picture of it all over Facebook. And as you feel your reality shift, blue skies suddenly turn black and the only thing that alleviates the pain of a big ass in tight jeans is by drinking a couple bottles glasses of wine.... which is really a sadistic irony since that very wine is what made your ass big to begin with.

Not that I know anything about big asses and tight jeans.....

No; the reality I am talking about is not realizing my ass could be potentially fat, but rather it's the reality that I like some really gawd awful movies. Now I knew this; felt it on a "I read it in a book once" level. But after last night the reality of exactly how awful smacked me in the face like a piece of Limberger cheese (and if you think THAT won't get your attention, try it. Just once. It's a smell you will NEVER forget.)

See, last night I watched Troma Entertainment's 1997 release "Bugged!" and I really liked it. If that is not testimony that I need psychiatric help, then I don't know what is.

Earning a whooping 3.2 stars from the IMDB voters, *Bugged! is the story of Devine, a devine poet who develops a slight bug problem. Actually they seem more like little grasshoppers but they are bugs no less and  overtaking her house. Whipping out the yellow pages, Devine passes over the well known "TERMINEX" ad and goes straight to the never heard of 'em "Dead And Buried Exterminators" listing. Yeh. The first sign of good times ahead.

But what our lovely little Devine doesn't know is that due to an incredibly idiotic chain of events and some rather nasty toxic waste, the strapping young "Dead and Buried" exterminators unknowingly dose the little bugs with body altering toxic waste instead of bug killing chemicals resulting in some frickin' huge ass flesh eating bugs instead of dead and buried ones!

From word one, the acting was horrible and did not improve with time. Scenes were predictable, and dialogue was beyond lame, but true to Troma form, it worked. Promoting campiness and cheese, Bugged used old school gore effects, meaning blood - if any- was obviously sugar thickened koolaid; guts did not ooze, and flesh did not bubble or puss or fall off the bone even when up close and personal with a stick of dynamite. Nope; the only scene that vaguely resembled anything like that was when one of the guys who was supposed to get rid of the toxic waste came into direct contact with it and ended up looking more like an extra from a Ron Jeremy movie, and if that's not a pretty disgusting descriptive visual then  check this picture out and judge for yourself:

Bugged! is not a movie for all horror (dare I call it horror?) fans but definitely fits the bill for fans of The Toxic Avenger series. I'd even wager a bet that fans of Sleepaway Camp would find this one rather entertaining. After all, they are all filled with camp and cheese - the kind that makes B movies so great. And that my fiends, translates into some pretty funny shit.

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*Promoting an all black cast, Bugged! is comedic horror at its best and prime pickings for Black Horror Movie History Month!

Catherine Hardwicke’s Twilight: New Moon

My husband twisted my arm to go see this one a few Saturdays ago. I did not want to go. Not because I did not want to see the movie; I would love to see it once out on video. It's just that the lead, Bella, or more accurately Kristen Stewart, turned me off to wanting to pay to see it in the theater. Read more

2010 After Dark Films – 8 Films to Die For

It's that time again. And as usual, my little town of Disgusta, Georgia is too small and too DUMB to bring really cool things to the theater. Cool Things like After Dark Film's 2010 After Dark Horrorfest IV "8 Films to Die For."

After Dark Films has been teasing me for the last couple months, sending me press releases, photo stills and movie clips of their 8 new tasty treats, slated to hit 25 cool theaters January 29-February 4, 2010. And if you are any of the lucky ones having it visit your town, suffice it to say I am extremely jealous (especially because you get to see the ZMD installment.)

For those of you living under a rock and are asking yourself "what the F is After Dark Films?" allow me to tell you - After Dark Films was founded in 2006 by film producer/director/writer Courtney Solomon and real estate and textile financier Allan Zeman, perhaps most widely known for their creation and execution of After Dark Horrorfest® – 8 Films to Die For®.

Debuting in 2006, After Dark Horrorfest® is a week long, nationwide film festival that celebrates all aspects of the horror genre. In its first year, Horrorfest became the first film festival in history to break into the Top 10 of the domestic box office, grossing more than $2.5 million. Additionally, it has sold over 1.6 million DVDs through their distribution partner Lionsgate. After Dark's initial film release was the box office success "An American Haunting," written, directed and produced by Solomon. An American Haunting opened at the #2 spot in the nation and maintained its position for four weeks. Subsequent releases include The Abandoned; Skinwalkers; Captivity; and Frontier(s).

2010's LineUp:

THE GRAVES

Written and directed by comic book writer Brian Pulido, The Graves is the story two inseparable sisters that are taking one last wild road trip before one of them must start a new job. While driving through Arizona in search of a kitchy roadside attraction, the sisters come accross Skull City Mine, an abandoned mine town that has been converted into a self-guided tour.

What starts out like a fun day in the sun ends up as a mind-bending fight for survival as the sisters struggle against menaces both human and supernatural.

DREAD

Anthony DiBlasi makes his directorial debut with Dread, the second film in Clive Barker's Book of Blood franchise (you might remember DiBlasi from when he partnered with Barker’s on such films as Book of Blood and Midnight Meat Train.)

Dread tells is the story of three ambitious college students who set out to produce a documentary about fear. In doing so however, they soon learn they are actually being played as pawns in someone else's very own experiment of terror.

LAKE MUNGO

Making his feature debut, Joel Anderson both wrote and directed Lake Mungo, the story of sixteen-year-old Alice Palmer who drowned while swimming in the local dam. After her body is recovered and her death ruled as accidental, her family begins to experiences a series of strange and inexplicable "events." The Palmers seek the help of psychic and parapsychologist, Ray Kemeny, who discovers that Alice led a secret, double life. A series of clues lead the family to Lake Mungo where Alice's secret past emerges.

HIDDEN

A Norwegian psychological horror directed by Pål Øie, Hidden tells the story of Kai Koss who ran away from his family and home town 19 years ago. Unfortunately, the death of his cruel mother forces him to return in order to can care for his family home and the dark secrets that come with it.

It isn't long before Kai finds himself tangled up in a series of murderous events way beyond his control, and he quickly learns there are some things that you just can’t run away from.

THE FINAL

The Final is the directorial debut of Joey Stewart that takes place at scenic Workley Ranch in Rocky Branch, Texas. In the midst of a wild costume party, five previously powerless and picked upon students are giving a “Final Exam” with just one question: “What did you do to deserve this?” (thankfully I am not one of the ones forced to take their "killer" exam!)

In the words of the director “The Final is about being picked on, bullied, and tormented, and the retaliation and revenge that it incurs. As the characters feel that life has no meaning, they make a pact for revenge that will teach these kids a valuable life lesson. It’s about what happens when people are pushed to the brink of despair, and the consequences that the responsible parties must face.”

ZMD: ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION

Directing by Kevin Hamedani, ZMD introduces us to conservative Port Gamble, Washington while it is being overrun with braineating zombies. As the residents of this island community seem powerless to defend themselves, a rag tag band of rebels led by Frida, an Iranian college student suspected of being an Iraqi terrorist, and Tom, a gay business man who has returned to town with his partner to come out to his mother, tries to turn the tide and send the uninvited hoards of undead back to where they came from

THE REEDS

Directed by Nick Cohen, The Reeds tells of a weekend boating trip through the Norfolk Broads that becomes a deadly ordeal for six 20-something year old friends who lose their bearings in the vast reedy tidewaters. Chances of escape and hopes for survival quickly diminish as inexplicable forces terrorize the lost and frightened group.

KILL THEORY

Directed by Chris Moore, Kill Theory is the story of a group of college friends who visit a secluded vacation home to celebrate their impending graduation. Their fun is cut short however when they are forced to participate in a deadly experiment by a sadistic psychopath. Loyalties are tested, tensions escalate and hope fades as they quickly realize only one of them can make it out alive, and each friend must kill in order to be last one standing.

So there you have it:

These are the 8 Films to Die For in this years After Dark Films Horrorfest IV. Salivating yet? I know I am!

Catherine Hardwicke’s 2008 Twilight

Even though I love teenage angst movies and movies involving the "unearthly" I must confess, I was hesitant to see the movie Twilight. I have not read the books, however I have picked them up time and again over the last couple years with idle curiosity. I chose not to read them as I had the impression the books were mostly about a sappy teenage love story featuring a vampire and not really offering any blood and guts.

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1991 Wes Craven’s People Under the Stairs

Any fan's of Twin Peaks out there? If so, you might want to check out Wes Craven's "The People Under the Stairs." It stars Everitt McGill and Wendy Robie as "Daddy" & "Mommy" - two really sick individuals who never should have been allowed to procreate.

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Dolls: Another 80′s Classic

Demonic possession and horror movies go hand in hand - throw in a couple of demonically possessed dolls and you are almost guaranteeing yourself a smash hit. Ed Naha did, along with director Stuart Gordon and their 1987 B classic DOLLS.

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True Blood Season 2 – Another Poem

Lead me unto temptation
with offerings of forbidden fruit
While simultaneously
citing scripture and
Brandishing sins of impiety....

Project illusions of
non-existent fairy tales
So that I may delude myself with their
subterfuge yet another day......

Before reality rears its ugly head
and all that is left are the charred remains
of my naive convictions....

And in case I am not clear enough, what I am saying is that Sookie needs to get her head out of her ass and realize that Bill is a tool that can't protect his own shadow, and that he doesn't ride a white horse and she's not going to live happily ever after with him; and that Tara needs to smell the shit that Maryann is shoveling before she gets into more trouble; and that Jason just needs to accept the fact that he has idiot tendencies and being a bible banger is one of them......

Ahhhh this is going to be a good season. I wonder who Eric will ingest next???