MTV 2010 Movie Awards Disappoints…WTF??

So... Twilight gets top honors.... Over Avatar? WTF??? I keep trying to remind myself that I am no longer 20something, and that the real 20somethings are taking over while I am left living in fantasy land.

A land where Avatar's Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington win best kiss.... cuz it was....

Where best movie for 2010 is named The Hangover.... cuz it was....

Where best female performance is Sandra Bullock in The Blind Side... cuz she was....

Where best break-out actor is Quinton Aaron.... cuz he was...

But no. Instead I live in a world when I am a used up cougar no longer in her 20's, and the real 20somethings overrule my vote with their theory that The Twilight Saga should win most everything.... which it did.

Gawd youth is so naive.

So anyway, instead of babbling on about how I am being cheated of unending youth, here is the list of winners for MTV's 2010 Movie Awards: (I cannot believe MTV did not ask for my opinion for the winners. WTF???)

BEST FIGHT SCENE
Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter - Obsessed
Hugh Jackman and Liev Schreiber vs. Ryan Reynolds - X-Men Origins: Wolverine
Logan Lerman vs. Jake Abel - Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Robert Downey Jr. vs. Mark Strong - Sherlock Holmes
Sam Worthington vs. Stephen Lang - Avatar

**Winner: Beyonce Knowles vs. Ali Larter - Obsessed**

BEST FEMALE PERFORMANCE
Amanda Seyfried - Dear John
Emma Watson - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Kristen Stewart - The Twilight Saga: New Moon (Hello?? Can you say "whine a little more, CryGirl?)
Sandra Bullock - The Blind Side
Zoe Saldana - Avatar

**Winner: Kristen Stewart - The Twilight Saga: New Moon**

BEST BREAKOUT STAR
Anna Kendrick - Up in the Air
Chris Pine - Star Trek
Gabourey Sidibe - Precious: Based on the Novel Push by Sapphire
Logan Lerman - Percy Jackson and the Olympians: The Lightning Thief
Quinton Aaron - The Blind Side (you go, Quint!)
Zach Galifianakis - The Hangover (Breakout? This dude's been around as long as me-but I love him!)

**Winner: Anna Kendrick - Up in the Air**

BEST *SCARED AS SHIT* PERFORMANCE (New Category for 2010)
Alison Lohman - Drag Me To Hell (scared the shit out of me. That's for damned sure!)
Amanda Seyfried - Jennifer's Body
Jesse Eisenberg - Zombieland
Katie Featherston - Paranormal Activity
Sharlto Copley - District 9

**Winner: Amanda Seyfried - Jennifer's Body**

BEST KISS SCENE
Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Kristen Stewart and Dakota Fanning - The Runaways (did this go straight to DVD or something? Cuz this one never showed up at the theaters in my redneck part of the woods...)
Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds - The Proposal
Taylor Swift and Taylor Lautner - Valentine's Day
Zoe Saldana and Sam Worthington - Avatar

**Winner: Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon**

BEST *WTF??* MOMENT
Betty White - The Proposal (Cops a Feel) <--you go, girl!
Bill Murray - Zombieland (Bill Murray?! A Zombie?!) <--Hello!!
Isabel Lucas - Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (Unexpected Transformation)
Ken Jeong - The Hangover (Naked Trunk Surprise)
Megan Fox - Jennifer's Body (Vomits a Mysterious Black Ooze) <--Brush your teeth, Ho!

**Winner: Ken Jeong - The Hangover, Naked Trunk Surprise**

BEST VILLAIN
Christoph Waltz - Inglourious Basterds
Helena Bonham Carter - Alice In Wonderland
Ken Jeong - The Hangover
Stephen Lang - Avatar
Tom Felton - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince

**Winner: Tom Felton - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince**

BIGGEST BADASS STAR (New Category)
Rain
Angelina Jolie
Channing Tatum
Sam Worthington
Chris Pine

**Winner: Rain**

BEST MALE PERFORMANCE
Channing Tatum - Dear John
Daniel Radcliffe - Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Taylor Lautner - The Twilight Saga: New Moon
Zac Efron - 17 Again

**Winner: Robert Pattinson - The Twilight Saga: New Moon**

GLOBAL SUPERSTAR (New Category)
Robert Pattinson
Kristen Stewart
Taylor Lautner
Johnny Depp
Daniel Radcliffe

**Winner: Robert Pattinson**

BEST COMEDIC PERFORMANCE
Ben Stiller - Night at the Museum: Battle of the Smithsonian
Bradley Cooper - The Hangover
Ryan Reynolds - The Proposal
Sandra Bullock - The Proposal
Zach Galifianakis - The Hangover

**Winner: Zach Galifianakis - The Hangover**

BEST MOVIE
Alice In Wonderland
Avatar
Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince
The Hangover
The Twilight Saga: New Moon

**Winner: The Twilight Saga: New Moon**

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The IRS and Monsters That Suck

Taxes.

Anyone out there delay the inevitable besides me? Two extensions are allowed, but unless you want the wrath of the IRS Nazi police knocking down your door, at some point you have to file your damned taxes.

Well I for one don't want those Nazi Police knocking down my door so I filed my taxes, and I realized something in doing so. The IRS are a bunch of life draining sucking monsters. Here's why.

vampires

Vampires are a class of undead who exist by feeding on the blood of the living. Throughout literature and movies,vampires are depicted as a misunderstood race, wanting more than anything else to fit into society and be accepted. Yet they have little to no control over their insatiable urge to drink blood. Human blood. So it's almost like they don't want to be evil; they just are by nature. Plus they can't go out into daylight so it'd be kind of hard to fit in, but I'll save that ramble for another post...

Quite similarly, the IRS have leeches auditors who suck drink you dry of any cash you managed to escape paying in annual taxes. Think you completed your taxes accurately? Guess again. The IRS will prove you wrong. One way or another.

Succubus

For those of you who do not know what a succubus is, please allow me to explain.

A succubus is a demon who, while in the form a hot, sexy woman, will seduce a man for unadulterated sweaty sex. Then, while engaged in wild abandon, the succubus will suck the life right out of the man so that they can continue to exist while the horndog man dies.

Much like the succubus, the IRS lures you into their perverted fetish filled world with promises of tax refunds and stimulus checks, only to snatch them away the second you think you are actually going to get some of your hard earned dollars back. Talk about draining!

Zombies

You can't be a reader of my blog and not know what a zombie is or what they stand saunter for, but no matter how entertaining they are to watch, I don't want to get up close and personal with one. Face it. A zombie, no matter how cute and slow (as in short bus) is going to try to eat your brain. Period.

Now an IRS auditor, though not a member of the short bus, rather the "asswipe" bus, may not try to eat your brain, but they will try to eat your bank account. Plus any future deposits that would under normal circumstances deposit there. I don't why the bastards can't just leave me and my money alone. I mean I don't steal, I don't torture kids or small animals, I sometimes torture my husband but I think he secretly likes it - so whywhywhy does the IRS insist on taking money from me??

Werewolves

Werewolves are humans who have the capability to shape shift into a wolf like animal (creature if you prefer) either due to having been bitten by another werewolf, or due to having had a curse placed on them by some evil no good bitch witch.

Werewolves are rather crafty as when in their human form, you have no idea of their inner beast. Your co-worker could be a werewolf and you have no idea! How sucky would that be? You are at your company's christmas party, it happens to be a full moon - and suddenly your perverted co-worker that you hate is trying to rip your throat out after having morphed into a werebeast right in front of your eyes! I'm thinking that would ruin a really good buzz......

The IRS resembles werewolves because you never know how truly mean they are until they sink their teeth in you by auditing your 1040 or, worse yet, auditing your life! Yeh. Those suits can't hide THAT!

Conclusion

So monsters suck, and the IRS, sadly, resemble those monsters that suck. I wish I could just erase them from my memory, but sadly every year it's more of the same, and they rear their ugly heads all over again....

Sigh...... maybe I should just open a Tiki Hut in Jamaica, mon....

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Classic Horror Movie Quotes

Ok. It's time for another confession from the life of Page - yours truly, the LBOH chick. And that confession is that I love great movie quotes. It's not even that I just love them. It's that I use them in everyday conversation.

Regularly.

Everyday.

(Hello - my name is Petra and I am a movie quoting nerd.) SWEEET!

My husband is equally taken with classic quotes. Unfortunately however, being as he does not favor horror movies of the B flavor, I am left reciting these gems on deaf (dare I say "dumb"?) ears.  Oh sure, let me throw out a "I'm a natural blue" or "Shut up and take the pain!" and he's all over it like a fat kid on a candy bar, but let me try "Bad, Bad, Wrong, Bad" and he looks at me like he's Bambi caught in the headlights of my SUV.

So, since I can't get him to appreciate these quotes, perhaps you - being the cheesy B horror fans that you are - will. And although I realize there are a gajillion more classic horror movie quotes and I am forgetting some really good ones, here is a short list of my favorites.

Feel free to add your favorites in comments. I'd love to learn some new ones!  (Plus I could do this all day. )

They Live:

**  "Life's a bitch, and she's back in heat!"

House Of The Dead:

**  "Morte? That's Spanish for death. Guess you don't speak Mexican, huh?"

Return of The Living Dead 2:

**  "Look, they're ugly and they're dirty and they're dumb, and I don't even care if they are dead."

They Live:

**  "I have come here to chew bubblegum and kick ass... and I'm all out of bubblegum."

The Shining:

**  "Wendy... darlin'... light-of-my-life.... I said I'm not gonna hurt ya'. I'm just gonna bash your brains in. I'm gonna bash em' right the fuck in!!"

Army of Darkness:

**  "Yo, She-bitch! let's go!"

**  "You ain't leading but two things right now: Jack and Shit, and Jack just left town."

Shaun Of The Dead:

**  "Who died and made you fuckin' king of the zombies?"

Night Of The Creeps:

**  "I've got some good news and some bad news, your prom dates are here, bad news is they're dead."

Psycho:

**  "We all go a little mad sometimes."

Ghostbusters:

**  "Ray, when someone asks you if you're a god, you say YES!"

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LBOH’s First Gala Award Event

So my buddy over at Necrotic Cinema felt the need to mention in a post of his that I have a tendency to change out my blog theme pretty much on a weekly basis. It’s bad enough catching flack about that from my husband on a regular basis, now Mr. Bill (ironically my husband’s name as well) feels the need to draw additional attention to it making me feel like that much more of a freak than I already did. Read more

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2010 After Dark Films – 8 Films to Die For

It's that time again. And as usual, my little town of Disgusta, Georgia is too small and too DUMB to bring really cool things to the theater. Cool Things like After Dark Film's 2010 After Dark Horrorfest IV "8 Films to Die For."

After Dark Films has been teasing me for the last couple months, sending me press releases, photo stills and movie clips of their 8 new tasty treats, slated to hit 25 cool theaters January 29-February 4, 2010. And if you are any of the lucky ones having it visit your town, suffice it to say I am extremely jealous (especially because you get to see the ZMD installment.)

For those of you living under a rock and are asking yourself "what the F is After Dark Films?" allow me to tell you - After Dark Films was founded in 2006 by film producer/director/writer Courtney Solomon and real estate and textile financier Allan Zeman, perhaps most widely known for their creation and execution of After Dark Horrorfest® – 8 Films to Die For®.

Debuting in 2006, After Dark Horrorfest® is a week long, nationwide film festival that celebrates all aspects of the horror genre. In its first year, Horrorfest became the first film festival in history to break into the Top 10 of the domestic box office, grossing more than $2.5 million. Additionally, it has sold over 1.6 million DVDs through their distribution partner Lionsgate. After Dark's initial film release was the box office success "An American Haunting," written, directed and produced by Solomon. An American Haunting opened at the #2 spot in the nation and maintained its position for four weeks. Subsequent releases include The Abandoned; Skinwalkers; Captivity; and Frontier(s).

2010's LineUp:

THE GRAVES

Written and directed by comic book writer Brian Pulido, The Graves is the story two inseparable sisters that are taking one last wild road trip before one of them must start a new job. While driving through Arizona in search of a kitchy roadside attraction, the sisters come accross Skull City Mine, an abandoned mine town that has been converted into a self-guided tour.

What starts out like a fun day in the sun ends up as a mind-bending fight for survival as the sisters struggle against menaces both human and supernatural.

DREAD

Anthony DiBlasi makes his directorial debut with Dread, the second film in Clive Barker's Book of Blood franchise (you might remember DiBlasi from when he partnered with Barker’s on such films as Book of Blood and Midnight Meat Train.)

Dread tells is the story of three ambitious college students who set out to produce a documentary about fear. In doing so however, they soon learn they are actually being played as pawns in someone else's very own experiment of terror.

LAKE MUNGO

Making his feature debut, Joel Anderson both wrote and directed Lake Mungo, the story of sixteen-year-old Alice Palmer who drowned while swimming in the local dam. After her body is recovered and her death ruled as accidental, her family begins to experiences a series of strange and inexplicable "events." The Palmers seek the help of psychic and parapsychologist, Ray Kemeny, who discovers that Alice led a secret, double life. A series of clues lead the family to Lake Mungo where Alice's secret past emerges.

HIDDEN

A Norwegian psychological horror directed by Pål Øie, Hidden tells the story of Kai Koss who ran away from his family and home town 19 years ago. Unfortunately, the death of his cruel mother forces him to return in order to can care for his family home and the dark secrets that come with it.

It isn't long before Kai finds himself tangled up in a series of murderous events way beyond his control, and he quickly learns there are some things that you just can’t run away from.

THE FINAL

The Final is the directorial debut of Joey Stewart that takes place at scenic Workley Ranch in Rocky Branch, Texas. In the midst of a wild costume party, five previously powerless and picked upon students are giving a “Final Exam” with just one question: “What did you do to deserve this?” (thankfully I am not one of the ones forced to take their "killer" exam!)

In the words of the director “The Final is about being picked on, bullied, and tormented, and the retaliation and revenge that it incurs. As the characters feel that life has no meaning, they make a pact for revenge that will teach these kids a valuable life lesson. It’s about what happens when people are pushed to the brink of despair, and the consequences that the responsible parties must face.”

ZMD: ZOMBIES OF MASS DESTRUCTION

Directing by Kevin Hamedani, ZMD introduces us to conservative Port Gamble, Washington while it is being overrun with braineating zombies. As the residents of this island community seem powerless to defend themselves, a rag tag band of rebels led by Frida, an Iranian college student suspected of being an Iraqi terrorist, and Tom, a gay business man who has returned to town with his partner to come out to his mother, tries to turn the tide and send the uninvited hoards of undead back to where they came from

THE REEDS

Directed by Nick Cohen, The Reeds tells of a weekend boating trip through the Norfolk Broads that becomes a deadly ordeal for six 20-something year old friends who lose their bearings in the vast reedy tidewaters. Chances of escape and hopes for survival quickly diminish as inexplicable forces terrorize the lost and frightened group.

KILL THEORY

Directed by Chris Moore, Kill Theory is the story of a group of college friends who visit a secluded vacation home to celebrate their impending graduation. Their fun is cut short however when they are forced to participate in a deadly experiment by a sadistic psychopath. Loyalties are tested, tensions escalate and hope fades as they quickly realize only one of them can make it out alive, and each friend must kill in order to be last one standing.

So there you have it:

These are the 8 Films to Die For in this years After Dark Films Horrorfest IV. Salivating yet? I know I am!

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So I took a Zombie Survival Quiz On Facebook…

So I took a "will I survive a zombie attack" quiz on Facebook. The questions threw me for a loop as they were so textbook and I have not been in school in over 15 years. I panicked, and answered the questions in the manner that I thought would be recommended by all the zombie survivor skills books I have read. Needless to say I was more than disappointed when I learned that although I was an asset to my group, I would be sorely missed.

I apparently die. The cheating fuckers.

So I took the test again. This time I did not think about the best "textbook" answer; I merely responded based on my gut instincts. Luckily - the 2nd time around - I survived to tell the story. Sadly that would not be the case IRL as we don't get 2nd chances. Especially when it comes to zombies.

And of course the ever elusive question as to what type of zombie would I ultimately have to battle continued to resound in my edible - desirable - brain. Biochemical? Voodoo? Alien? Important factors to know as the survival of each varies......

Read more

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An Extraordinary Life

Some of you might have noticed that I have not posted much lately. It's not that I have not wanted to; it's just that life seems to have gotten in the way.

If you are aware at all of my other blog, you would know that Donna, my mother-in-law, was diagnosed in July at age 56 with non-small cell, stage 3 lung cancer. She also has malignant tumors on her esophagus, and as well, the cancer is in her lymph nodes. Her cancer is inoperable, and it is terminal. The only hope she has is for intensive chemotherapy to maybe add a couple of months to whatever amount of life she has left.

When this kind of reality is not staring you in the face everyday, it's easy to go through the motions of daily life; of daily normalcy. It's for this reason alone that I have posted over the last couple of months, using zombies and psychopaths as a mental escape.

Donna doesn't have that luxury. She has no escape. She has no normalcy.

Donna has no real time to do all the things she had put off until tomorrow. No time to take that vacation to Hawaii she always wanted; no time to travel the countryside in an RV; no time to really appreciate all the things she had taken for granted.... at least, not without jeopardizing the time she does have left.

But I do. I have time to let her know how important she is to me; how much she has impacted my life. And together, my husband and I are making the time to make our lives mean something more than just existing. We are committed to not waking up tomorrow and find ourselves at age 60 and wondering what we did with our lives. We no longer want to risk being told we only have months to live before we realize we were simply going through the motions. We plan on taking steps to make our ordinary life an extraordinary life, in honor of an extraordinary woman: Donna.

One way we are doing this is by recapturing our love affair with the saddle. A bike saddle that is, and we plan on riding our first century next year in Philadelphia's 2009 LIVESTRONG Challenge.

The LIVESTRONG Challenge is the Lance Armstrong Foundation's signature fund raising event for the fight against cancer. Whether we choose to walk, run, ride, volunteer, or simply donate $1, $2, or $5, each and every one of our participation is yet another powerful weapon in this fight. As well, any money my husband and I mange to raise through donations, we plan on matching - in honor of Bill's mother, and my family members already taken by this life altering illness.

So if my blog seems lacking in the next couple months, please don't abandon me. I have grown quite attached to the very few of you who frequent my blog on a regular basis, and your absense would be sorely missed. I do intend to keep posting reviews of gawd awful movies, and I even have some more zombie survival skills to throw your way. Of course, my Zombie Tanka of 1000 Verses is just getting under weigh so you won't want to miss any of those posts. They will surely get bloody and ruthless before you know it!

And if you feel like contributing to an awesome cause, visit my LIVESTRONG Challenge fund raising page here. It would mean a lot to me, and to all those fighting for their right to live everyday as they battle cancer.

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Even Bob Hope Knew….

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