Near Dark: “We Keep Odd Hours”

Set in the American Southwest with a romantic feel of the western days of yore, Kathryn Bigelow’s yarn of vampire angst is anything but elegant when youthful Caleb (played by Adrian Pasdar) falls for a cute little chippy of the night named Mae.

The only problem is that this cowboy has never met the likes of his new girlfriends “friends” and soon he begins to think that perhaps he has “bitten” off more than he can chew.

Cause & Effect

A gun-toting gang of derelict vampires show up in town and Mae, their young female companion, hooks up with cowboy Caleb. Their attraction to one another seems undeniable and Mae decides to “turn” Caleb rather than kill him.

This doesn’t come without a price, and soon Mae’s companions make it clear to Caleb that he is to live as a vampire (meaning he has to kill his own “food”) or die at their hands.

As test upon test reveal that Caleb does not have the stomach to take the life of an innocent, the vampires ancient leader Jesse (Lance Henriksen) decides they need to put him out of their misery.

Luckily Caleb maneuvers a little extra time for himself by rescuing the hell-raising bunch from certain death in an intense daylight shootout where ray upon ray of vampire burning sunlight threatens the preserving darkness of their motel room....

Oh if only it could end there, but no. Things just keep getting worse and worse for poor Caleb. Now his little sister Sarah manages to place herself smack dab in the middle of the bloodsucking vampires.

Damn!

For her anyway, because Homer, the youngest vampire of the clan, couldn't be happier. It would appear he's rather smitten with Caleb's cute little sis.........

That’s bound to end any alliances made, right?

Result

In an attempt to save his little sister Sarah from the hell of eternal life with Homer, Caleb faces off yet again with the vampires, only this time leaving them and Mae behind for good.

In a weird twist to the vampire lore, Kathryn Bigelow introduces the ability for Caleb to be converted back to human-ism with a blood transfusion from a human. The human in this case being Caleb's father.

Yet again, the saga does not end here as the blood hungry brood set out to kill Caleb since he can identify and expose their existence. While Mae tries to convince Caleb to re-join them and save his own life, Homer sneaks into Caleb's home and kidnaps Sarah, determined to make her his life mate.

In the realization of his sister's impending fate, Caleb sets out to stop the clan once and for all and in an intensely brutal and fiery climax, there can only be one left standing.

YOU will have to tune in to see which one that will be......

Conclusion

Near Dark isn't a horror movie in the sense of gore or fear. It actually feels like more of an atmospheric action movie that keeps you on the edge of your seat half the time, and feeling the romance of forbidden love during the other half. I'm thinking this cult classic would be a great date movie, with elements to satisfy both the male and female viewer.

And while the concept of converting a vampire back to being human via a blood transfusion is extremely far fetched, it has certain appeal and works for this movie. For me it helped retain the romanticism that Bigelow introducing with the sultry west.

Though the plot of Near Dark does not exceed at being great and might even seem weak on occasion, the movie makes up for it in the emotion and believability of the actors. This is one movie that will definitely leave an impression long after the film has stopped rolling.

Recommendation

See it. Yup. Yet again another one that is that simple.

Then come back here and let me know what YOU think. Just don't wait to see the 2008 re-make. It would seem that is one movie that is going to remain on the cutting room floor and you are gonna be waiting a long long time.........

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It’s Prom Night…

The original Prom Night, filmed from start to finish on one whooping month, stars Jamie Lee Curtis in another role that helped earn her status of being one of Hollywood's "scream queens." Only in this movie, Jamie doesn't play so much of a damsel in distress as she does a damsel who takes action.

Cause & Effect

All 10 year old Robin wanted to do was play with Kelly, Jude, Wendy, and Nick. She didn't care that they were older than her. They did though and took a game that was innocent enough to a level that a scared 10 year wouldn't understand, resulting in poor Robin falling out of a broken window to her death.

Although it was an accident, the 4 kids left standing vowed never to tell a soul, convinced they would do jail time if anyone were to find out.

Flash forward six years and Kelly, Jude, Wendy, and Nick are seniors having the time of their lives. Friends with most all 4 of them is Kim Hammond, older sister of dead Robin, only she doesn't know they had anything to do with her sisters death.

Someone does, though, and they are leaving calling cards in lockers and making anonymous phone calls. Too bad the seniors are too stupid to pick up on the hints.....

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Sleepaway Camp a.k.a Comatose Petra

Ok. So you can probably tell by the title of my post that this review is not going to be very favorable of the movie. I tried to maintain an open mind. I really did. After all, this movie has some weird unexplainable cult following that spawned 2 sequels. Surely there has to be something worthwhile of the movie, right?

WRONG!

I'll try to make this quick. I hear it's less painful when you just RIP the bandage off the wound versus pulling it ever so slowly.......

Cause & Effect

Angela and her cousin Ricky are sent to Sleepaway Camp, a summer camp for kids. Ricky feels the need to protect Angela as she is not quite right in the head. Apparently she witnessed her father and brother get killed in a freak boating accident a few years before.

So anyway, weird Angela gets picked on pretty regularly by the kids at camp resulting in Ricky getting into more than one fight as he tries to stick up for her.

Result

Soon, people begin to die. Ironically, it's people who seemed to have recently picked on Angela.

One counselor begins to suspect it's Ricky and attempts to stop him from his murderous spree. The only problem is that it's not Ricky who is doing the killing.

Conclusion

As more and more people are discovered dead, a path of bodies lead us to the killer who we find is not Ricky but rather his cousin Angela.

PSYCH! Only its not Angela! As it turns out, Angela is not really Angela, but rather she is none other than her brother Peter. The real Angela had died in the boating accident with her father all those years ago, and Peter was forced to assume her identity afterward because deranged Aunt Martha "always wanted a daughter" and began treating and dressing Peter as a girl, as if he were Angela.

Well hell!!

My thoughts on this Awful Film

As all of you know, I love cheese in movies. Usually, the cheesier the better - but when it reeks even I concede, and regret that this is 88 minutes of my life I can never get back.

The movie starts out strong enough, as we see "Angela's" pop get run over by a speed boat. Granted we don't see blood or decapitation (which really sucked) and there are barely any skid marks left on the body, but considering the B factor of this movie, I was ok with this.

The first murder was kinda cool, involving a vat of boiling water, but very unrealistic in that we see it was a kid that initiated the killing. S'ok though. I realize at this point that this movie is really a Z film and yet again, I am ok with this.

So - moving on to murder number two (or maybe it was the 3rd and I'm getting confused with the order of deaths. They were all so pitiful it really doesn't matter actually.)

The next murder takes place in an overturned boat. A kid shows up under the capsized boat (it is made known pretty quick that the killer is a kid) and proceeds to push down the head of the other kid already under the boat, so as to drown him. The only struggle that ensues is one hand waving gaily above the water.)

Huh? No struggle? He was that much of a wuss that this little kid can push him under water and drown him just like that??? HHmmm......Ok. We'll let that one slide. Let's move on to the next killing.

So next we have some guy taking a dump in a stall. Sorry to put it so bluntly but this movie has that effect. So anyway as he is in there taking care of business, you see the killer slide a broom stick through the door handles so it can't be easily pushed opened. Then we see the killer cut the screen of the window that leads into the bathroom stall and promptly insert a bees nest through the hole.

Well I don't have to tell you what happens next: said guy on toilet beings to get stung repeatedly. Now bear (bare?) in mind we do not see the attack, simply the door to the stall wiggling because he is too much of a panty-waste to break the broom handle blocking the door. AS WELL - and this is the best part - he does not have enough sense to crawl under the HUGE opening under the stall to get out of it! AS WELL - the bees of course, don't fly anywhere but onto his face and soon we see him lying on the ground with his head covered in bees and some puss like sores on his face.

Surely you can now understand why I say this movie was such a waste of time and energy. There were some more killings but they too were equally lame and lacking in bloodshed or suspense. I won't bore you with anymore details.

Recommendation

Do NOT waste you time with this one as I did. Trust me. And if you do, don't say I didn't warn you.

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Troma’s 1986 “Class of Nuke ‘Em High”

Unless you've been living under a rock, I'm willing to bet you've heard the name "Troma" - a name that is synonymous with B-film. Some might even dare to say Troma Entertainment is the king of B. Would they be right? Well - as my mother likes to say, "that's why they have chocolate AND vanilla - cuz not everyone likes the same thing." Read more

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The Battle of B: Rosemary’s Baby vs. It’s Alive!

Rosemary's Baby

.

Rosemary's Baby = Roman Polanski's first American feature film, released the year of my birth (an event all in itself that would make the year go down in history) that was based on Ira Levin's book of the same title released in 1967.

This psychological horror flick features Mia Farrow as Rosemary, who along with her husband Guy, move into a New York apartment building that seems to be inhibited mostly by the elderly. One elderly couple in particular begins to take a shine to the young couple, and meddle their way into the young couples lives.

Soon after, Rosemary and Guy decide they want to start a family. It's at this time that Rosemary is visited by the elderly couple and given a celebratory chocolate mousse that seemingly drugs Rosemary and causes her to hallucinate that she is being raped by a "beast."

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Planet Terror: Can you handle it??

As I reflect on my once broken, now slowing healing ankle (which still hurts and swells up all this time BTW) I can't help but remember a comment posted by the ever astute Claire: zombies would not be at all bothered by the weakened state of a broken ankle as they feel no pain and still manage to function quite well (even though they may have body parts falling off or even out!)

While I must say I can see how her thoughts have considerable merit, I can't help but think it would be way more fun to to end up like Rose McGowan in Planet Terror than say, to be a zombie with broken bones.

So let's look at Planet Terror, since its one of my favorite zombie movies of all time and it features a one-legged, machine gun toting, badass named Rose McGowan.

For starters, Rose McGowan is hot. She may be weird and have awful taste in men (after all, she did hook up with Marilyn Manson - an awesome musician, but WHOA is he some kind of oog-a-lyy!) but she's still hot which is one of the reasons director Robert Rodriguez cast her for the part. He and Tarantino wanted to recapture the essence of the B-movie drive-in and that meant hot chicks getting dirty and bloody (more of this is evidenced in Death Proof, the 2nd half of this double feature classic directed by Tarantino, but we will save that review for another post.)

Cause & Effect

A group of military officials, headed up by the maniacal Bruce Willis, attempt to make a business transaction with a scientist for mass quantities of a deadly biochemical agent known as DC2 (codename "Project Terror".) When Willis learns that the scientist has an extra supply on hand, he attempts to take him hostage, resulting in the scientist intentionally releasing the biochemical into the air.

Soon their Texas town is overrun with zombies. Most humans were turned into zombies merely by inhaling the fatal vapors from the biochemical. Others with apparent immunity, were left to suffer the conversion painfully, in the "traditional" manner.

Cherry Darling, played by Rose McGowan, decides to quit her job as a dancer and pursue her dream of being a stand up comic. This happens about the same time she bumps into her old beau, a two-bit criminal named El Wray, and together they bump into a gaggle of zombies.

Result

Poor Cherry Darling barely has a chance to scream before her leg is ripped off by attacking zombies. Luckily she and Wray escape and make their way to a hospital where it would seem everyone (including other key players) is either being turned into zombies or running for their lives.

Now before I go any further, I feel the need to point out the obvious and that is in order to be true to B-movie and drive-in theater form, we gotta have gratuitous sex. Yes we had a gratuitous pole dance at the start of the movie, but in any really good B-movie we know that can't be enough. And what I found really entertaining about the following sex scene is that even though Cherry just had her leg ripped off, a piece of wood shoved into the stump, and no pain killers, she still manages to deliver.

Another point that is evidenced by this sex scene is that as both Rodriguez and Tarantino wanted to capture the essence of the Grindhouse era, they enlisted various techniques to make the films more like those that were shown in the 1970s. Throughout both Planet Terror and Death Proof, the films are intentionally damaged as many of the exploitation films of the 70's which were generally shipped around from theater to theater and usually ended up in pretty bad shape. To reproduce this look in Planet Terror post-production added film scratches and gate hairs to dirty up the “print,” audio was given pops and buzzes, and a couple instances were made to look like the film had been broken and was spliced back together after missing some key information.

Conclusion

Cherry, El Wray, and a few other survivors they picked up along the way band together and decide to skip town but end up being taken hostage by Bruce Willis' army. After a few scenes of attempted rape, melting genitals, Bruce Willis' face bubbling up and all but popping, lots of zombie blood and shock effects, El Wray swaps Cherry's wooden leg with a specially designed custom M4A1 carbine assault rifle/M203 grenade launcher (doesn't everyone just happen to have one lying around??)

Goodbye pole dancer, hello Ms. Badass!!

(I must confess I am more than a bit jealous at Cherry's ability to handle the rifle so adeptly. She doesn't even need to pull the trigger or reload!)

This roller coaster ride of a movie finishes up with the survivors forcing their way to a couple of hellicopters using Cherry's new leg and their own guns. El Wray ends up getting himself killed trying to protect Cherry and as he lay dying, tells Cherry to carry on, lead their resistance, flee to Mexico and raise the child he has just impregnated her with - you know, cuz "he never misses."

The movie leaves us with a scene in Mexico, where Cherry, with El Wray's daughter on her back, and an upgraded gattling gun for a leg, fends off an infected zombie while leading the remaining survivors along a Mexican beach......

Someone please tell me there is a sequel in the works!!!

Recommendation

There is a lot to swallow with this movie: the attempted rape, a child's death, references to lesbianism.... be sure you can handle it, and don't say I did not warn you.

As mentioned previously, this is one of my most favorite zombie movies. Watch it. Then watch it again. Like all good cheese, it just gets better with age.....

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Bloodsucking Fiends – A Vampires Love Story

I was doing my usual blog hopping as per the alphabetical listing on my blogroll (although I don't visit them alphabetically since I like to "mix it up" most days) and noticed on Ryne's blog over at The Moon is a Dead World that he is compiling a really cool gathering of sorts for those with a certain affinity to vampires, called the "Review A Vampire Movie/Talk About Vampires for An Unstated Length of Time Blog-A-Thon" (Ryne fully admits this is an odd choice for titles but he's sticking to it, and quite frankly, I see no reason to argue the point.)

The gathering isn't so much of a bar-b-q of IRS body parts (post to follow,) but rather a virtual gathering of posts written by us cool folk who have something to say when it comes to vamps. Be it a movie review, a book review, or perhaps just a stated opinion on the subject of blood suckers, it's all about vampires.

Anyway you bite it, it's well worth the visit to both Ryne's blog, and the cool peeps he links to (like me.)

My contribution is a review of one of my favorite books: "Bloodsucking Fiends" written by one of my most favorite authors, the very talented Christopher Moore.

Christopher Moore is mostly known for his absurdist fiction as his work has a nonsensical, comedic twist to it. Additionally his work has a flavor of the bizarre, somewhat freaky, and well..... absurd! Not necessarily in a horrific way, but rather a "what the F***??" kind of way.

Synopsis of "Bloodsucking Fiends"

Jody didn't ask to become a vampire. As a matter of fact, she was rather pissed off to realize she was one after waking up under a dumpster with a wad of cash, a "sun"burned arm, superhuman strength, and an insatiable thirst for blood.

Needing a "human" to do the daily tasks she no longer can, Jody enlists C. Thomas Flood (Tommy to his friends,) a 19-year old beatnik wannabe author from Indiana who works midnights at the local Safeway and specializes in turkey bowling, along with his motley crew of co-workers, The "Animals." He's not quite what Jody had in mind but he fits the bill (plus the sex is a bonus since Tommy is more than willing to appease her kinky appetite and her blood lust.)

Since Jody needs to feed and Tommy can't provide the level of "food" she requires, Jody adopts a sort of "mercy" killing mentality and targets the terminally ill; killing two birds with one stone, if you will.

What really sucks though (no pun intended) is that neither Jody nor Tommy have any idea of what being a vampire involves, and they kind of stumble through it day by day, with Tommy conducting odd experiments on Jody to test her abilities and vulnerabilities (with or without her permission.)

All these events provide quite the amusement for Jody's "sire" as he lurks from afar, strategically placing clues and dead bodies at almost every turn, enticing Jody with the hunt for self discovery and entertainment for his own twisted little games.

Too bad the cops want to charge Tommy with all the dead bodies that keep piling up.....

Summation

If you want an intense drama with not even a smide of humor, read Ann Rice. If you want a rollercoaster ride of romance, sex, murder, and mystery with a comedic twist, then I strongly suggest you try Bloodsucking Fiends. This book will make you laugh in amusement, chew your nails in suspense, fan yourself with heated desire, and cringe ovet the callous killings.

And if at the end of this book you find yourself wanting more (as I did) then you will be happy to know that Christopher Moore came out with a sequel. Of course, I had to wait 11 years for it, but you guys have the advantage of time passed on your side. It's no where near as good as the first, but still definitely worth the read.

Bloodsucking Fiends: A Love Story

Overall Rating:

Retail Price: $14.99

Amazon Price: $10.19

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Zombie Strippers: A cult classic??

You guys might remember a while back I wrote a post about Jenna Jamison and her big screen debut (well, the one that did not involve porn anyway.) I was on the fence as to whether or not I intended to watch the movie.....

......well, I watched it; and I gotta confess, I kinda liked it.

Cause & Effect

In an attempt to increase our dwindling troops in the Middle East, the government decides to "re-animate" corpses to aid the fight against our evil foes. Like all good intentions however, things go horribly wrong at the testing compound and an infected soldier manages to escape unnoticed.

He shows up at a nearby underground strip club with an impressive lineup of hot strippers headed up by none other than porn star Jenna Jamison (what a perfect place for a soon to be zombie to end up in!)

About the time Jenna is about to perform her second dance (yes, you get to see the first one) the soldier guy decides to go full blown zombie and decides that Jenna is his menu's main course.

Result

Jenna is now a zombie, and apparently it agrees with her. The crowd of sweaty, excited males goes batty for her revamped, reanimated, striptease, and when the cash runs out, resorts to writing checks as gratitude for her performance.

Her boss, played by none other than Robert Englund of Nightmare fame, is ecstatic, and doesn't even mind cleaning up the bloody mess Jenna left for him after her "dance" left her famished. After all, its a small price to pay for all the untold wealth her zombie-fied gyrations promise to rake in.

Too bad the other strippers have to go and get jealous of Jenna's increased popularity. Becoming a zombie is starting to have a certain appeal and before you can say "holy ta-ta's" more than one stripper arranges to be "turned" resulting in a lot of money, and a heck of a lot more blood shed.

Conclusion

What I found interesting about this movie is that it changes up the zombie rules, at least for the strippers. They can talk and carry on conversations; they can discern when and who not to eat (such as their boss or fellow strippers,) they feel emotion such as jealousy, and their zombie status actually serves as a type of aphrodisiac to humans. They are also exceptionally agile and quick! Twists which actually prove kind of interesting...

This movie is gory, so be prepared. I was surprised with the amount of blood an innards spilled for such a stereotyped cast. It was also very graphic. Another big surprise.

And yes, this movie is exceptionally corny. Forget cheesy; forget campy. think corny. But I liked it.

Recommendation

I realize I will probably be in the minority when I say that I can see this movie becoming a cult classic. I would not be the least bit surprised to see it having a kind of "Chopper Chicks in Zombie Town" cult following.

Will you like it? I can't say. But if you like gore, and you like really cheesy movies with gratuitous boob shots, then this movie may be for you. Just don't blame me if you watch it and don't like it.........

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