Slashers

Miguel Sapochnik 2010′s Repo Men

I sat here tonight and asked myself what should have been a simple question. The question being: "Which would be worse - Being hunted by the hunter... or being the hunter, who in a split second at no fault of their own, has the rug pulled out from under them and becomes the hunted?"

It's rather odd in that when a person has no personal attachment or experience with what ever it is they are hunting, can do so with eager anticipation and a somewhat perverse enjoyment. But once that separation is broken and a common ground is acknowledged, a rebirth happens within the hunter and the switch is irrevocably flipped.

In Miguel Sapochnik 2010's Repo Men, Jude Law plays Remy, a hunter for "the Union" who repossesses body organs from persons who have become past due in their payments. Usually these repos are callously brutal, bloody, and more often then not, deadly. It's rather simple really. Pay your insanely expensive bill and maintain your new body part. Don't pay your bill, and suffer the gruesome consequence.

Remy repos without guilt, without remorse, methodically, and by the book. His wife doesn't like it so pushes him to switch to a desk job so he can be home more often and not bring the brutality of what he does to their doorstep.

So on one last mission before switching to sales rather than remaining in repos Remy's defib unit goes haywire resulting in his becoming the lucky recipient of the "top of the line" artificial heart offered by The Union. You'd think that since he was one of their top repo men, and since the artificial heart was as a result of faulty equipment provided by The Union, that he would get it free of charge as a sort of "workers comp."

But if you did, you would be guessing wrong.

Now on the run, fighting for the very life he thought he no longer wanted, Remy is teamed with Alice Braga as Beth (the "butterfly" girl in I am Legend) another multiple organ recipient exceptionally past due on her bill, fighting to free themselves from radar, and for the chance to live.

Teamed with an exceptional cast including Forest Whitaker and Liev Schreiber, Repo Man (if you let it) will make you think about things you never considered. It will make you think about what is important in your life and how with the blink of an eye, you can lose it all, and what lengths you would go to to keep it.

But as much as I enjoyed this movie, the subtle life messages it delivered, and the way it forced me to ponder my own determination to live, I have to confess that the ending fuckin' BLEW! Realistic ending? Sure, for the movie subject matter anyway. But for the enjoyment of the movie experience? Horseshit! Pure and simple and steamy and stinky horseshit. And for that reason along this movie won't make it into my drawer of keepers.....

....but DAMN it was so close!!

Slashers

A Raw Slice From the Delicatessen, Please

I'm couch ridden today. It would seem some really nasty snot gremlins have taken up residence in my nasal passages and are doing everything possible to make me feel utterly miserable. You'd think they'd be satisfied with just cramming all their buddies and their buddies buddies into my nostrils to the point where my head feels like its about to explode but they aren't. No, they feel the need to bungee jump down my throat and sometimes the bastards break the cord so the coughing fits that ensue really wreck havoc on my already throbbing head. If only Uncle Fester were around, I could borrow his head vice and pop those annoying little buggers out of my system altogether.

But I have no idea where Fester is, so in my weakened state I subjected myself to even more torture, compliments of NetFlix. Although I use the term "torture" loosely as actually one of today's choices was pretty good.

My .02 Cents

Horror fans far and wide give me shit because I do not like to watch Foreign films. Some drivel about how I am really missing out on great, quality horror (I usually filter them out at this point but I'm pretty sure what they are saying is drivel.)

Here's my problem with foreign horror: For starters, I tend to multitask when I watch movies at home, and having to keep my eyes constantly on the boobtube to read the subtitling (since I speak very little foreign languages) is a bit tedious. Secondly, the foreign horror flicks I wind up watching are usually.... well..... lame if you want to know the truth. And coming from me, that's pretty bad considering I usually like some pretty lame stuff!

So I thought I would try Marc Caro's & Jean-Pierre Jeunet's 1991 direction of Delicatessen (judging by the directors' names, you would be safe in presuming its a French treat.)

Starting out we see a barren town with run down buildings and beat up cars. It's filthy, as are the people, and money is basically obsolete. We learn from the word go that payment is usually in the form of bartering for grains, or shoes, etc. I'm not really sure if the setting is post apocalyptic, or perhaps set in the past after some war-torn era; judging by the cars and clothing, I'd guess the 50's or so. First up we meet Clapet, the local butcher who seemingly takes great pride in his meat. We also see someone trying to flee Clapet's establishment (which doubles as a boardinghouse) only to meet his death at the end of our friendly butchers meat cleaver. Hence the set up.

It's quickly evident that the world is starving to death and forced to eat anything that walks, which seems to be humans (apparently all of the rodents and pet life has disappeared.) Clapet is one of the few who has little to no remorse about slicing and dicing people while people have little to no remorse about eating the very people sliced and diced. Survival of the fittest I guess.

So a new tenant, Louison, moves into the apartments above the Delicatessen and Clapet's daughter Julie takes an immediate fancy to him. The basis of this movie is Clapet wanting to kill Louison for food (as well as revenge for "taking his daughter away from him") and Julie trying to do whatever she can to prevent it from happening.

Delicatessen tries to be darkly humorous, with a few subtle scares thrown in for good measure. Dialogue is lacking and bloodshed is minimal, and more often than not cuts erratically from one scene to the next, which left me scratching my head as if I missed something important. I think the most effective parts of the movie were the setting, which was dank and dirty and ominous; and the character's development of their expressions and mannerisms (trust me when I say there are no beauty queens in this one!) The actors are what kept me involved all the way to the end. The prolonged annoying sound effects were definitely not.

Although I can't say I did not enjoy Delicatessen, I also can't say that I did. I kind of enjoyed it. Who knows? Maybe I should watch it again when I am not doped up on Sudafed and Robitussin. Maybe then I would enjoy it more.

B-movies, Slashers

Tanya Rosenberg’s Blood Games

Perhaps you have heard of this movie by its Australian title, Baseball Bimbos in Hillbilly Hell, or perhaps you know it best by the no name actors, the incredibly bad acting, and the lame ass dialogue. Or perhaps none of those features ring familiar in your mind because you were too busy appreciating this sexploitation gem for its mass quantities of boobs and feminine wiles. Read more

Braaains!!, Slashers

Quentin Tarantino’s Inglorious Basterds

Some of you might remember me chomping at the bit for the release of "Hell Ride" - a movie that strategically chose its verbiage so one would think it were a Quentin Tarantino film when in actuality, it was nothing more than a lame-ass movie that attempted - unsuccessfully I might add - to pass itself off as a Tarantino original. It was not - and the movie could not have sucked more if it were a black hole endorsed by Dyson himself.

So though I am PUMPED like Arnie on steroids about the upcoming Inglorious Basterds, produced for real by Quentin Tarantino (and due for release on August 21) I can' help but wonder if it's going to measure up.....

B-movies, Cult Classics, Slashers

Conan The Barbarian

B-movies love to use hot bodies - big boobs and tight asses. You know, the good stuff to distract you from noticing (or caring) how bad their acting is. Kinda like when Arnold Schwarzenegger was cast in Conan the Barbarian. Who better to play the buff warrior than Mr. Universe himself? Granted it was several years after being crowned the title I(and several years before mayorhood) but it was still the hot, buff champion bodybuilder Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Read more

Slashers

H2: Rob Zombie Remakes Halloween 2

H2 - as in Halloween 2 - as in Rob Zombie brings back his version of Michael Myers by remaking the sequel.

Dare I say - drool??????????

Due for release on August 28, 2009, many were skeptical since Rob Zombie adamantly stated he did not wish to do a sequel. Apparently he is opposed to them. However after much pressure, he crumbled, and are blessing us with yet another spin on the classic Halloween series.

This sudden change of heart resulted in the script for Halloween 2 being completed quickly, and as stated by Rob Zombie himself, did not give much opportunity to "second guess" himself and change initial ideas, or to "over think" the story line.

Also, it seems he veered away from the story line of the original Halloween 2, not to disrespect John Carpenter, but to continue on his own version of the saga. I for one am PUMPED as I loved Zombie's remake of the first film. And I will be first in line to see this one.

(If you want to read the interview with Rob Zombie, you can do so here.)

Slashers

The House on Sorority Row 2009

The 1983 version of The House on Sorority Row sucked donkeys. Plain and simple. I was so disappointed I walked out halfway through. And that is saying something as I will pretty much watch anything that sucks. Just ask my husband. He thinks I tend to gravitate towards that particular type of movie. You know what I'm talking about - the kind that ....well..... suck. Read more

Psychotics, Slashers

Last House on the Left 2009

USA Today cited the remake for Last House on the Left as "condemnable" due to being "completely predictable" and that the "carnage is rendered slowly and quasi-reverentially, making the whole brutal experience come off like torture porn."

I could not disagree more.

For starters, if anyone was expecting a remake of the first Last House on the Left, you didn't get it. The only constant from the 1972 version to the 2009 version, is the players and the plot. The means that take you from A to Z are completely different now from what they were then.

Secondly, I don't understand how this remake constitutes a comparison to "torture porn." Where I could certainly see that in the first version of Last House on the Left, especially since it was released during the height of the sexploitation era, this remake had only one rape scene and it was visually tame in comparison to the multiple rape scenes from the first. Granted there were the required boob shots, however "sex" was virtually non-existent.

crapathonRolling Stone called it a "crapathon" but offered no support for their opinion, and quite frankly, their 100 word review of the movie was the epitome of a "crapathon" in my book.

Not many other critics cared for the remake either; even Ebert (who I think is a waste of air) was on the fence as to whether or not he thought this remake was worthwhile.

I, for one, thoroughly enjoyed it, and I am here to tell you why.

The Movie Review

The Last House on the Left 2009

If you read my review of the original version, then you would know how controversial this movie is intended to be. Focusing on a parent's worst nightmare and a young girls worst fears, it is a movie about the violent shattering of a young girls innocence, and the extent of retribution her parent's find themselves able to exact on her behalf.

lhotl-rape-scenesI must confess that the explicit and prolonged rape scene of the 1972 version was so disturbing that I questioned whether or not I would be able to sit though the same scene of the 2009 version. I am relieved to say that the remake saw fit to tame down the graphic and multiple rape scenes of the first to just one. But that one scene was so well written and directed that it managed to convey every emotion of horror, disgust, and sadness as was felt in the original. Some reviewers feel this alone is reason enough to consider this an awful movie not worth the time or money. But if these same emotions were not invoked or if they were inadequately delivered, this movie would not have even come close to being as effective as the first.

The key players and the premise of how things come to be are the same as the original: Mary (Sarah Paxton,) a niave innocent teen, gets swayed into being in the wrong place at the wrong time, winds up being violated, along with her friend Paige (Martha MacIsaac,) at the hands of a sadistic killer, Krug (Garret Dillahunt) and his misfit companions - his derelict brother Francis (Aaron Paul,) his twisted girlfriend/wife/slut/whatever Sadie (Riki Lindhome,) and his gutless teenage son Justin (Spencer Treat Clark.)

lhotl-thugsFrom the get-go, this movie plays out differently from the first. For starters, you know right away who the bad guys are. And though the chain of events that positions Mary and Paige in the hands of those bad guys is rather predictable, I found myself every bit as captivated in their fear as I did in the original. Moreso actually, as Sarah Paxton was much more believable in the role of Mary than was Sandra Peabody.

Secondly, there is only one rape scene and it is no where near as graphic or perverse as the first. Please don't misunderstand my choice of words. Any rape is perverse; however in the first installment Sadie was physically involved as was Francis. In this installment that "group effort" if you will is not evident. The result? Well - the same emotions without the the same intensely graphic visuals.

lhotl-stcThen there is Spencer Treat Clark, one of the main reasons I enjoyed this movie as much as I did. His delivery of Justin's character as being the torn and tortured offspring of a psychopathic killer trapped in a life he has no idea (or guts) of how to escape is incredibly believable. I liked that this version showed his character with more -albeit very little - spine than in the first installment as he actually ends up helping the cause rather than adding to the carnage.

The story is everything you would expect from a horror film, and covers all the required elements you would want. Gratuitous boob shots; killer weed; rain storms and predictable power outages.... everything needed to set the stage for a night of terror.

One thing that definitely makes this movie a NON B film is the acting. Solid, believable characters (how's that for a switch?) especially from Mari's parents, played by Monica Potter and Tony Goldwyn. Although I feel I should point out that Monica's role as the mother was way more badass than that of the father. I seem to recall that being the case in the original as well - most notably when the mother bit the bad guys weiner off. While the writers and directors of this version did not see fit to recreate that scene, they had a few originals that offered almost as much bite. In both versions the father seems to be the weaker of the two, but he definitely makes sure he runs a close second for kicking butt.

The Bottomline

What I liked about this movie is that the fear I felt wasn't created by blood and guts and gore. Which is saying something since I generally love blood and guts (not so much the gore.) Instead it was fear based on something that could actually happen, and satisfaction in the deliverance of revenge resulting from that fear.

The bottomline? Definitely worth the watch. And be sure to stick around for the rolling of the credits. Although rather unrealistic, you get to see a little revenge scene done in a manner that is really sweet.  For the twisted, anyway.

Movie Trailer

Gotta Have It!

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