So I took a Zombie Survival Quiz On Facebook…

So I took a "will I survive a zombie attack" quiz on Facebook. The questions threw me for a loop as they were so textbook and I have not been in school in over 15 years. I panicked, and answered the questions in the manner that I thought would be recommended by all the zombie survivor skills books I have read. Needless to say I was more than disappointed when I learned that although I was an asset to my group, I would be sorely missed.

I apparently die. The cheating fuckers.

So I took the test again. This time I did not think about the best "textbook" answer; I merely responded based on my gut instincts. Luckily - the 2nd time around - I survived to tell the story. Sadly that would not be the case IRL as we don't get 2nd chances. Especially when it comes to zombies.

And of course the ever elusive question as to what type of zombie would I ultimately have to battle continued to resound in my edible - desirable - brain. Biochemical? Voodoo? Alien? Important factors to know as the survival of each varies......

Needless to say I look towards movies of today to advise me in manners of which to protect myself, the theory being that all events - fact or fiction - stem from some sort of warped reality and the interpretation thereof. Who am I to say what did or did not happen? Who did or did not feast upon raw flesh? Dahmer did. The sick bastard.

So as I was performing my usual monthly ritual of scouring my local movie store troughs of movie rejects, I stumbled across one that has in passing fancy caught my attention but failed to reel me in due to the somewhat inflated price tag. Pretty much anything over $3.99 causes me to question their worthiness factor and the absence of zombies in the proposed plot only increases this questionability.

Throwing caution to the wind I bought the one that caught my passing fancy: Insanitarium. I found it to be a plus that the director - even though it is his ONLY directed movie - is none other than the screenplay writer for Clive Barker's Midnight Meat Train. If nothing else, I was sure there would be blood, and lots of it.

Definitely of the B flavor, Insanitarium breaks suit by using actors you are familiar with: Jesse Metcalfe of Desperate Housewives; Kiele Sanchez of Lost; Oliva Munn; Carla Gallo; among others. Granted they aren't huge stars, but definitely names that get around and cost more than $2 an hour to hire.

Insanitarium begins with Jack (Jesse Metcalfe), a strapping young fella who fakes insanity so as to be institutionalized in the very facility housing his suicidal sister Lily. Ever since Lily became a ward of the state, Jack has been unable to visit her or even learn of her progress. Being as she is the only family he has left, Jack will do anything to ensure she is safe and the only way to do that is to break her out of the ward - from the inside.

Once inside, Insanitarium boasts a clinical atmosphere riddled with imprisoned psychotics, one of which resembling a rather remarkable similarity to Hannibal Lecter. That alone is just creepy...

So the first 1/2 hour or so doesn't offer up much as Insanitarium's intention is more of setting up the characters and plot. Key players are revealed and hints of what is really going on inside peak out of their hidey-holes but nothing is solidly confirmed or offered.

At least not until Jack finds an ally on the inside and beings to investigate. It seems the
"brains" of the outfit is one doctor Paul Gianetti (Peter Stormare) who likes to dabble in genetic DNA with his patients. Apparently he is trying to "peel the mind" in layers and expose it's core. He feels by doing so, he can restructure ones mindset and create a more desirable being and behavior pattern.

The problem is that Dr. Gianetti's methods are creating a type of man-made zombie, and the more exposure a patient has to his treatment, the more craving of blood this "zombie" has. Unfortunately by the time Jack finds his sister and convinces her they need to "get out," mass pandemonium strikes and what once was a safe haven for crazies is now a buffet of succulent flesh.

I have to confess - I really enjoyed this movie. I know many of the reviews cite it as lame and lacking but I found it to be rather original and inventive in it's man-made zombie storyline. Granted I pretty much like anything with zombies, even movies of Z caliber, so perhaps my opinion should be taken with a grain of salt. I think however if you are an avid horror fan and not one who lives solely for blockbusters, that you should give this one a chance. The action remains pretty constant, the bloodshed is plentiful, and you even get one or two gratuitous boob shots that aren't half bad.... well.... as long as you don't mind them covered in a little blood......