Ulli Lommel’s Zombie Nation
- October 5th, 2008
- COMMENTS 4
Before I get started on this review, I have to say “Boys, never ever wear bikini briefs, or speedos.” Of course this also means that g-strings and thongs for guys are strictly verboten! Now I understand that Jockeys, FOTL and Hanes make them, but that does not mean cool guys wear them. Nerds, dorks, “guys” struggling with their own sexuality, guys with overly inflated egos, and just plain ugly guys, wear these type of underwear. Not cool guys who want to get laid. DO NOT fall victim to your sweet side! (You know it’s in there, and so do we.) Go commando if you must - just don’t wear any of the a fore mentioned excuses for underwear.
So, now that proper underwear etiquette is out of the way, let’s move on to the movie review.
Zombie Nation
In Ulli Lommel’s Zombie Nation we are introduced to a gaggle of messed up cops, led by a particularly weird screwball by the name of Joe (Gunther Ziegler) who has a pension for falsely arresting women, taking them to a nearby warehouse (his home, of all places) where he inspects them for cleanliness (while taking notes,) lethally injects them with something, then buries their body (five in all) in some nearby woods.
Throughout the movie we are given glimpses into Joe’s childhood where we learn that his mother was a sadistic “doctor” who engaged in very unusual and abusive test studies. She included her son in this abuse, inflicting some of her testing on him as well, resulting in his becoming equally twisted.
Sidenote: we also find out about half way through that he likes to engage (attempt to engage?) in sexual activities with the women after they are deceased. Can you say pervert??
Cute Brandon Dean plays Vitalio, seemingly the only good cop on the force who has seen and heard enough. He calls in the big guns for an investigation. Not a good day for the force.
It’s about this time however, that we see some voodoo babes using black magic to revive the five victims of Joe. Ironically, they all look as equally good as the day they were taken, with the exception of really mussed hair and some really bad black eye makeup.
The girls/zombies are fully coherent, completely calm, and discuss among themselves how they are to “fit back in” to society. The collective decide they are to be types of “guardian angels” to the ones they love, since they have been declared dead and cannot just re-enter their lives.
Though not before getting revenge on the one man who did this to them.
The revenge scene is a little cookie cutter for my tastes. Too safe, too clean, too weak. It was all very abstract, not really showing gore in the sense that you would expect from a movie made in 2004- especially with the horror market at that time. The ripping flesh looked more like ketchup covered rubber, and there were really no screams of agony. Very anti-climatic in my book.
Scene break to the zombie chicks (Zombie Nation as they refer to themselves) being back with the voodoo makers, discussing what just happened. Voodoo chick 2 asks what they did with the body, and the girls calmly state “why, we ate if of course!” at which point they learn they are to eat “cheeseburgers like everyone else” because when you eat a person, they too will become a zombie.
One final scene break - 6 months later - we see the girls as the snazzy new police force, a hot new police force, with large sunglasses hiding the only trait that might give credence to them being zombies. And off in the distance, where ocean meets beach, we see Joe, emerging from the depths of the ocean, to seek his own zombie revenge…..
Some Holes of Interest
What happened to Joe’s mom and all of her test subjects? What the hell was it all about anyway?
How did the voodoo chicks just happen to dig up the girls bodies, and for that matter, how did they even know the bodies were there to be dug up?
The girls ate Joe yet we see him running out of the ocean at the end, flesh and body perfectly intact….
And what of the investigation? All the cops from Joe’s reign are gone. Are we to “presume” they have all been fired and replaced by zombie guadian angels who like to refer to themselves as Zombie Nation??
Conclusion
Ulli Lommel’s Zombie Nation was not bad, at least not in the sense of bad that I refer to, however it was no where near as good as I would have expected, or hoped for that matter. Even the gratuitous boob shots (if they could qualify) where lame by B standards.
See it if you want, just don’t blame it on me.
I give this one 1 1/2 zombie heads 
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I don’t know, sounds pretty lame. I don’t think I’ll watch that one.
Tims last blog post..Ribcage: It’s What’s For Dinner!
You are violating the first rule of the zombie movie reviewer: never try to put the plot in context with real world logic. Go with the flow. And I have noticed (as do you, apparently) that almost all of the speedos you see on the beach are worn by eastern European nation men. Bugarians. Rumanians. Ruskies. Generally with them pulled up into the crack of their, ummm. Whatever. But don’t be wondering how they knew where the dead chicks are buried. That isn’t important to the plot.
Relax Maxs last blog post..Comparing Dicks
Please come to the pub Petra. No sense me being subtle.
Relax Maxs last blog post..Some Zombies for Petra
We need to find a way for your site to stream this!
Regretful Mornings last blog post..Take On Me By A-Ha: The Literal Version