Zombies Could Benefit America

I previously wrote a post about why I think it would be advantageous for me if my dearly beloved hubby were a zombie, but as time has passed, I've begun to realize that perhaps if I were a zombie (in addition to my hubby being one) perhaps I would be a happier person. When you break it down to its most basic form, you can see how zombie's really have this question of life figured out. They know why they are here and they don't try to break away from that innate disposition. This acceptance probably translates to contentment rather easily, provided their brain isn't blown out of their head by some redneck trying out his new gun on the slow guy (pay close attention to his buddy's ear plug! A real smart one, that guy is)

So anyway, I have complied a list of reasons why I think zombies could be beneficial to a person's contentment as well as to being beneficial to America:

"Just Say No" Just Got Easier

Think about it. The youth of America is going to hell in a hand basket and its partly due to their intense fascination with drugs, be it "x" or "roofies" or "meth" (not sure if that's the correct lingo these days.... I am grasping in my old age.) If these same kids were zombies, they would have no need for drugs. Some examples:

• Reffer/weed/marijuana = benefits are relaxation. Well how much more relaxed can you be than a zombie? On a daily basis!!!

• Meth/cocaine/amphetamines = tend to be an appetite suppressant and zombies do NOT want anything interfering with their mission to feed on brains........

• LSD/Mushrooms/Psychedelics = Designed to cause some serious hallucinations. As a zombie, rotting flesh and exposed entrails is not uncommon, so why take something to make them "seem" evident? They already are!

No Self Indulgence Needed

Let's face it. We have all had moments of "keeping up with the Joneses" and we have all obsessed over our appearance at one time or another, and for what?? None of this buys us happiness or self worth. No material possessions validate who we are. Zombies know this. They don't strive to drive a fancy car, or surgically enhance their cleavage or package, and they don't care if they don't go to fancy restaurants. They can eat the neighbor right in their own back yard! I long for the happiness that this kind of simple life provides and zombies live that simple life everyday. (And let us not forget, live is evil spelled backwards. Fitting for a zombie, don't ya' think?)

No Tipping Required

 

No, I'm not talking about cows here. Although some would swear it's "wicked fun," especially those residing here in the sunny southeast, I just can't imagine I would ever want to tip a cow. The poor thing might break a bone or two and I can't have that on my conscience. Besides, the kind of tipping I am referring to is "tipping your waiter/waitress/bartender/hairdresser/______." As a zombie it's just a matter of time before you eat the aforementioned person, therefore tipping becomes a mute point. This means less time needed to work as less money is needed to live.... this idea just keeps getting better and better. Yea!!

Zombies are not Afflicted with Racism

Ok. It's no secret. Racism is extremely prevalent in America and everyone has a certain amount of racism tucked away inside them. Be it against color, or gender, sexual preference, social standing, or even income level, racism has many faces. I hate this about the south that I live in. It's a constant, in your face, reality. But what if we mirrored the opinions of zombies?? How peaceful would our lives be? Zombies don't discriminate, they don't care if you are black, white, yellow, or red.... they don't care what kind of car you drive or if you have a 6 digit salary. They will eat you just as soon as the next person. And that my fiend friend, is harmony among the ranks........

"Age ain't Nothing but a Number"

Does it get any better than that? A 40 year old can hang with a 20 year old and not be labeled a "perv." An 80 year old can keep up with the teen-aged......... yet another prime example of zombie unification. Ain't life grand??

If only we could all just get along

Imagie how fun it would be; all of us sharing of the same flesh, living the same dream, no one person zombie better than the other......... am I crazy here?? Am I so wrong to want our world to be filled with unity????