Zombie Killers

I realized something today. Not all of you visit my blog for the content.

Some of you visit just because of my charming personality and sparkling wit. Of course it helps that I am easy on the eyes, but being as I am not one to toot my own horn, let’s move along, shall we?

The point that I am making here is that by not visiting my blog for purposes of content, you are missing out on a lot of cool information about me, the real reason you came to visit in the first place. And if you don’t click on the various pages, you will never know the true extent of what you are missing out on.

So I wanted to bring to you one of my pages, because it, because they, deserve their 15 minutes of fame. Ok, that might be a stretch since it will only take you about a minute to read it and not 15, but you know what I mean.

Let’s not waste anymore time with idle chitchat. Here is the page of my protectors:

I am a firm believer that no home can have too much protection. Being as I have no children who can be enlisted for perimeter detail, I have utilized my dogs. Allow me to introduce them:

Killa’ Kong

(full fledged chihuahua)

“King” Kong (aka Bong-hit) was best man dog at my “wedding.” I use that term loosely as I opted not to have a ceremony. We had a small gathering of family and just signed our names on the dotted line.

On our honeymoon, all 3 pounds of him protected me from a bad beggar man. His bared teeth and deep throaty growl let that scraggly dude know exactly who was boss, and it was evidenced by the beggars very quick retreat.

That alone let me know that I had a killer on my hands. I was not worried about zombies. No sir’E!

Since that time, Kong has aged and added a gazillion few pounds, but he’ll still take you down at the ankles. Watch out for his teeth! Take it from me, they HURT!

Killa’ Bruiser

(unique dachshuahua = a dachshund/chihuahua mix)

“Bruiser” of Hearts (aka Boozer) is Kong’s back up. He may not run very fast but once he gets his jaws into you there will not be any letting go! He will rip your throat out without so much as a hint of remorse.And then when Bruiser is done with you, well, he might even lick up your spilled blood as if it were a fine aged wine.

Much like zombies, Bruiser does not move very fast as his dachshund legs are somewhat bowed and stubby. This does not deter from his fierceness or dedication to protecting the home base, and I dare you to test this statement by attempting to enter the back yard. You might find yourself a bit humbled and a lot mangled.

Killa’ Zoe

(true blue rat terror terrier)

Zoe (aka Zozo) is the bitch of the family (not taking me into account, of course.) She rules the roost with an iron jaw and doesn’t take failure as an option. When she isn’t busy keeping the other dogs butts in line, she’s scaling the perimeter of our 1 acre corner lot, making sure there are no breaches without her approval. I might need to add that any breach would not meet her approval unless it’s the pizza guy! I promise you though, you want her on that wall; we need her on that wall!

Don’t let her 9 pound delicate frame fool you. She will no sooner rip your head off with her extremely strong under bite and piss down your neck than she will blink an eye. And if that doesn’t frighten you then it should. ‘Cuz she in one vicious beast in a very cute cow costume! Talk about a wolf in sheep’s clothing!

Killa’ Zeus

(100% corn-fed boxer bulldog)

What can I say about Zeus? Well, I probably should start by pointing out that he is 80 pounds of gentle giant and wouldn’t hurt a flea. He might lick it to death, but not intentionally.

Yes, Zeus is a giant lummox who thinks love and good looks should rule the world. He is of the unfortunate belief that zombies can be saved by simply winning them over with sad puppy eyes and slobbery kisses. He tries to reinforce that belief to me every night when I get home from work, but so far I have managed to maintain the discipline of zombie killing versus zombie conversion.

Obviously we are still working on turning Zeus into a true killer, however we do not feel we should strip him of the title. He is one of the family after all, and the family that bands together, stays alive together.

So there you have it. Aside from these weapons of mass destruction, I have a couple guns, hammers, axes, gasoline, and a few other items that can be used in the fight for survival. I feel relatively safe in my corner of the world.

How ’bout you? Are you protected?

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