Zombie Survival Guide
- February 18th, 2008
- COMMENTS 7
I was wasting time surfing the web earlier when I ran across what I believe could be potentially valuable information on Zombies and the identification thereof. Let’s face it - who are we to say Zombie’s don’t exist? As well, there is a popular myth that the average person uses a mere 10% of their brain power (8% for me) and that the remaining 90% if basically “untapped potential.” While this myth is mostly for the purpose of granting validity to psychic powers and the such, there is a possibility that a key part of our brains can make the impossible “possible.” Who are we to doubt this? Just because we can’t see or touch it does it mean its not a potential reality?
So anyway, for the sake of argument lets say we have 5% of untapped brain allowing the possibility for the impossible. The impossible being that maybe, just maybe, this untapped brain power could somehow re-program everything we know about biology so that a person utilizing this percentage could actually keep their bodies going long after the heart (spirit?) has died.
So in thinking outside of the box like this, I find certain knowledge could prove to be extremely beneficial. Such as how to identify a possible zombie - or the “life impaired.” I suggest printing the following information and displaying it prominently on your fridge. The one day you will actually need it is the same day you will regret not taking my advise.
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Now you might think from looking at this list that someone you know fits this description, which is more than a little unsettling to say the least. My first reaction was that it was written about my boss however when I stopped to think more in depth, I realized I have never seen her eat brains. Plus I don’t think she is smart enough to tap into the untapped portion of her noggin. Actually there are several people I know fit this description and when I contemplate the “six degrees of separation” theory… well let’s just say it freaks me out! So I did some more digging and came up with a cliff notes version of emergency procedures you might want to know should you ever encounter a Zombie. As with the Zombie ID Guide, I highly recommend displaying this one on your fridge as well.
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Now I know initial responses are “no way is a Zombie gonna eat my brains! I’ll pulverize him/her/it before he/she/it gets a chance!” but you have to realize you are NOT the first person to think that way. And its this kind of cocky thought process that gets you in trouble, i.e. life impaired!First you need to arm yourself. I personally like the machete type thingys that Alice used in “Resident Evil: Extinction” but that translates to up close and personal and I am not so sure that is on my list of favorite things to do with a Zombie. As an alternative, I’m thinking a big shiny Colt Springfield .45 in addition to a 12 gauge shotgun. Of course choosing a weapon to arm yourself with is a very personal thing, so I recommend weighing all your options carefully.
Now while you may think I am condoning use of violence in today’s society let me assure you I am not. I am merely suggesting that we take precautions in the event that a certain situation arise. And if the situation does indeed arise, and you find your spouse to be the Zombie in question (see my prior post “10 Reasons I Wish my Husband Were a Zombie“) well….. perhaps it wouldn’t be such a bad thing after all and those weapons wouldn’t even be needed. If you have ever seen “Shaun of the Dead” you would know that having a Zombie for a bud definitely has its perks, so I am guessing a Zombie spouse would as well…………..
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Working in a lab gets a little dull every now and again, so maybe a zombie infestation like in resident evil would make it more interesting.
Huh, some good points right there.
My sister seems like a zombie but I don’t think I’ll go and lop her head off just yet.
Min - I agree an infestation would definitely make for a much more interesting day at work provided I was not one of the stupid ones who would allow myself to become infected. The luck I’ve had these days might dictate I get sick and stay home that day!
Ryne - its a good thing I wasn’t privy to this information growing up with my two older brothers. I am not so sure I would be able to show the same restraint as you. Very admirable.
OMG that second picture is friggin hilarious. Can i use that on my blog if i link back to this post ?
You may also want to read “The Zombie Survival Guide” by Max Brooks. It goes into much detail on proper weapon selection. Remember, that shiny colt .45 is loud and has to be reloaded. Also, to destroy the brain with a shotgun you have to be fairly close, and that can result in a great deal of infected spray!
HUGE - please feel free and I would love if you would link back to me. Exposure is a great thing. And since I found the pic on the web I guess its fair game.
CHRIS - that is exactly the info I love getting! I’ve seen the book in passing on the web but have not had the pleasure of reading it. I definitely see a trip to my local bookstore this weekend tho since you can “never be too careful.” Good points too as I do not want to be too “up close and personal” - eewwww
Yeah, I’ve seen the Zombie Survival Guide book in stores and it always looked interesting, but I wasn’t sure if it would be ridiculous and worth the buy or not.